Sunday, December 18, 2011

Divorce

The reason I haven't been posting much is because on December 4, Thomas shocked me with the news that he'd been having an affair with a coworker for two weeks and wanted to divorce so that he could be with her.

I was obviously shocked, as I thought things were wonderful.  We had tons of hobbies in common and spent lots of time together: running, hiking, birdwatching, volunteering, etc.  I was still very much in love, and until the end of October, he'd been acting the same way.  I thought he was joking at first.

The next day, he said he wanted to try to work things out, but ultimately decided that he was done with the marriage.  I've been working on accepting this, though I've only known for two weeks this was even a possibility.

Right now, he and his girlfriend are out looking for apartments to rent, and he's hoping to move out by the end of the week.  Merry Christmas to me.

Unfortunately, this will have an impact on the parrots.  I can't afford to keep the house, and there's no way I can afford an apartment that will allow me to keep all of the parrots.  It just makes me sick, because there's no way I ever would have gotten so many animals had I thought there was even the possibility that something like this could happen.  Most of the parrot acquisitions were spear-headed by him, and now he's walking out and abandoning us all.  We made promises to the parrots that they were in their forever home, and because of his actions, that's no longer the case.

I will be able to keep Max and Calypso.  My parents have a small home, and they can temporarily take them while I find a new place to live, should it be necessary.  Basil will go back to his previous home, and I found an amazing home for Stella.  That leaves Rocky and Beeps.  I can't take Beeps because he and Calypso don't get along, and my smaller place won't allow for adequate separation.  I can't take Rocky because he doesn't like me, and would certainly be too loud in an apartment.  My boss will take the fish, and I have a couple of leads of placing Andreas.

I just don't know what to do.  I feel very overwhelmed and sad.  Reality still hasn't hit.  This has been the worst 8 week period of my life.  First, I find out that I'm losing my job at the end of March.  Then, Brian dies.  Finally, my marriage ends.  What else could happen?

23 comments:

Suzanne said...

Goodness, I am so sorry that life is kicking you so hard. I don't know where you are or I would offer to help with the birds. If there is anything I can do please don't hesitate to ask.

Stephanie Taylor said...

I can't believe what an ***hole Thomas is. You're handling this well, if it were me I'd probably be in prison at this point.

I'm really sorry to hear about this happening to you.

Meg said...

I do not know what to say. I cannot imagine how hard this must be on you, it is so shocking to read. I am so sorry this is all happening. Please, please, let me know if there is anything I can do to help- you can get my email on my blog.

I will be thinking of you often, that is for sure.

Megan lovejoy said...

I'm so sorry you have to go through with this. I wish I could help in some way. (My two girl caiques tell me they would love a boy caique around the house, but there is no way I can take on another bird).

I have been through similiar, when everything around you goes to sh*t and it's hard to see how you are going to live through this. Just remember, this too shall pass. It ALWAYS passes.

I am sending you much love and MANY MANY hugs.

Saemma said...

I'm so very sorry to read about this. Maybe Anna from the bird rescue in New Mexico will be able to help you with Rocky?

iris said...

I am so sorry to hear this. I agree with Stephanie - I'd probably end up in prison.

I hope that you are able to find good homes for the parrots. I am so sorry. If there's anything we can do, please let us know.

D. Richard said...

Hears the thing, I think that we all here have become not only used to your postings about the parrots , but as it has become very apparent to all of us what a kind soul you are . You are now Family to us and it hurts us also.
Dont spend any time on the what ifs , or the why didnt I's.
The important thing is to protect yourself now .
Know that we all love you .
We want only the best of days for you .
Know that Calypso always was right . Pay more attention to Calypso in the future .
When we say that if there is anything we can do ,,, We mean it . Perhaps we can help you find a place that you could keep the birds . a small apartment Rent HOUSE . A better job . A better car , a good hit man, ------oops , did I type that out loud , well scratch that last one. but we are still in for the rest . You dont even realize how many people look forward to your writing.
WE ARE WITH YOU.

Stephanie Taylor said...

I seriously hope you destroy him in the divorce. Get as much as you can, he deserves to live in squalor after this. And don't feel bad about it, you deserve to be able to keep the birds and live in a house.

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you so often right now, Mary. Hope we can get togeather sometime in the future. Call anytime!!! Sincerely, Barb

Anonymous said...

Your situation rips at my heart. I'd be willing to provide a home for Beeps if you can't find anyone else. I don't have any caique experience so I'd probably be a last choice, but I could guarantee a loving lifetime home. Email admarkley10@gmail.com

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry for your pain. This story has caused me so much anger towards Thomas, and of course, I've never met him. How could he throw away his marriage for a two week fling? I can't imagine anyone rational thinking this is a good decision.

Forget rational... How could he not have an overwhelming sense of guilt and pure disgust for himself? He's leaving you and these birds possibly homeless! His family....torn apart. People and animals that he's loved, left to fend for themselves. Who does that? Does it surprise you that he would allow this to happen? Did you know this side of him existed? I'm sorry to be prying. But, I want to understand why, as I'm sure you do, as well. No one deserves to be treated this way, especially not family that you love. Not sweet animals that never did anything wrong, not the wonderful woman who cares for them so well.

Shame on this woman who thinks it's ok to be with a deceitful man like that. She should know better than to think he'll stay true to her.

I hope you can heal and forgive. I hope your birds find loving homes, if you can't keep them. Again, I'm so sorry. Trite a saying as it might be, this too shall pass.

Anonymous said...

wise people has said "Everything happens for good". Maybe hard at first but it will pass. He is the unlucky one who don't deserve you. Think about all the love you given to your birds. They will love you till death.

WendyKnits said...

I'm so sorry to hear that you've had another horrible occurrence in your life. I wish I could do something tangible to help you, like offer a home to a parrot but unfortunately cannot. But you have my moral and emotional support and I'm thinking good thoughts for you.

Anonymous said...

you must feel awful right now, but in my hearts of hearts i know things will get better for you!
and i do hope you all find good homes, and soon
X

phonelady said...

OMG rip his heart out in the divorce and get all you can get outta him . i will offer a place in my home and I have the best neighbors they never complain about anything . I can take beeps and he will have everything including love . take care dear and please let us know how it goes . My heart goes out to you and please know you do survive divorce and sometimes are better off for it .Oh if you need to talk please my email is catsmeow1961@gmail.com

Anonymous said...

I am so shocked and sorry to hear this. I don't often comment here, but my husband and I have followed your blog since late 2007. We haven't missed a post. As fellow parrot owners (and runners and a knitter and balancing marriage with professional and volunteer work) you mean so much to us. You've given me comfort through the loss of a beloved parrot, a much need smile on a hard day, and many travel and cooking tips.

Please know that, though we are strangers, you are in our thoughts through this difficult time. Like many of your followers here, I want to offer any help I can for you and the flock. We are in St. Louis. slpippin@wustl.edu

Take very good care of yourself.
All best,
Stephanie

Anonymous said...

OMG, Mary. Reading this absolutely broke my heart for you. My eyes filled with tears. I cannot imagine how you must be feeling right now. Your post sounds very calm and logical, but I sense that this is probably a moment of relative calm in the midst of the storm.

If there is ANYTHING I can do to help, please don't hesitate to ask. I'd offer to take Beeps, as I love caiques - but with the baby, the house is a bit of chaos right now, and our birds are getting neglected anyway.

My thoughts are with you.

-Homeless Parrot

Ps: Having seen people very close to me go through this, I can tell you that Thomas will regret this.

Christine Lee said...

Oh, dear dear Mary,
I cannot described how shocked I was to see this post; at first I thought it was a joke......
I am so heartfeltly sorry to know that you have to go through this; you of all people do not deserve this.
I know it will be painful, but please 1. take care of yourself 2. try to believe that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes things turn out for the better.
I know this sound rather abstract, but having gone through a divorce myself (also due to an affair), I understand the heartbreak.
I live in Taiwan, but, like everyone else, if there is anything at all that I can do to help, I would do it in a second.
I have been reading you blog since 2000, and you and the parrots have become a comforting part of my days.
Dear Mary, again, I am so sorry that you have to go through this.
I wish I could give you a big hug!

Christine from Taiwan

Anonymous said...

Me and Harley macaw are thinking about you. Positive thoughts are flowing your way...... Now, I do NOT want to get your hopes up, but I'm going to send you a private message. Its not likely, but there is a chance I can take Rocky. (He sounds so much like Harley, my blue and gold - and I adore Macaws, plus they don't faze me in the slightest).

:)

Anonymous said...

Sweetie, I feel that I know you from your blog and feel so upset for you. Not only have you got to deal with the betrayal of the one you love, but you also have to give up some of your beloved pets. Surely Thomas can take Rocky, as he is 'his' bird? Is he really walking away from all of you without so much as a backward glance? I won't badmouth him, but he has certainly made himself look bad with his behaviour and decisions. You are loved by people who have never met you, and we are all sending you strength and prayers to get through this awful time. With love xxx

Pamela said...

This is so shocking! And I don't know what surprises me more, the fact of the divorce, or the fact that he hasn't said he'll take Rocky. I'm so sorry.

HungryBird said...

I'm really sorry to hear this. Doesn't sound like he gave you any sort of notice, which is pretty nasty. It must feel like everything is happening all at once and way too fast. It really sucks. I hope you are able to spend Christmas with your family and find some comfort with them. I'm not sure where you live but I'm in NYC and would be happy to help if possible.

Christine Lee said...

How are you holding up?
Please drop us a line if possible, I am worried about you!

Christine