Parrot Musings

Max tries to get attention

2012-01-26T09:00:00.000-08:00

Max tries very hard to get head pets. Of course, she is ultimately successful!

Butternut squash and the parrots

2012-01-23T17:28:00.000-08:00

One of the things I'm really looking forward to as a single person is experimenting more with cooking. Thomas was so strange and didn't really like to try new things. He was also very critical when I'd try something and it didn't work out. With me and the parrots as my only critic now, I can't lose!

Yesterday, I decided I'd better use up a butternut squash I'd had for a few weeks:

I may have to see if I can get this frozen instead. It's a lot of work to turn the above into the below!

I modified a recipe I found online. It needs some more work, but I was pretty excited out the first try. Once I get it better, I'll post the recipe.

Another exciting thing about being single is that what used to be a meal for one evening now becomes three meals! This will be helpful if I need to bring lunch at my next job.

Ready to serve it up:

I got some ringing endorsements:

Back for more:

It appears that all that squash makes her thirsty for some water:

Beeps had some as well, but he's become extremely camera-aggressive, so I let him eat his dinner in peace! Max and Calypso have been hanging out with me in the kitchen while Beeps keeps to himself in the living room mostly.

Yesterday, someone asked about Beeps. I am still looking for a home for him, but I haven't actually done anything other than think about it! I need to get going, but sometimes it's hard to motivate myself. I will try to contact the person who said earlier this month they might be interested in him to see if it might work. He's such a great guy, it just makes me so sad to think about losing him as well.

I had a meeting tonight. I am the volunteer treasurer of a nonprofit nature organization. In months past, Thomas would make a big deal out of me being gone in the evening, so these meetings became extremely stressful for me, even though I strongly believe in the cause. It was so peaceful today on the drive home to know that I would only be met with the happy whistles and exclamations of the parrots!

And, the parrots didn't disappoint. I was so devastated when I found out about the affair, but I am starting to realize that this might be one of the best things that could have happened. Of course I am sad about the animals that I am rehoming. They will stay in my heart forever and I hope to keep tabs on them for the rest of their lives. Perhaps our paths will cross again in the future. Until then, I know that much happiness awaits me and I am so excited to start my new life!

Max and Calypso explore my bedroom

2012-01-22T15:30:00.000-08:00

Max and Calypso are settling into their roles in a reduced flock. I think they are both pretty excited to have more attention from me. Calypso, in particular, is happy that Thomas isn't around as much. He's always climbing down from his cage to come and find me. When Thomas was around, he didn't feel comfortable enough to do that. It's exciting to see him come out of his shell more.

Yesterday, I was packing to spend the evening with my parents. Max flew to the stairs and then walked up the rest of the stairs to find me in the bedroom. Calypso walked to the bottom of the stairs and then beeped expectantly until I brought him up as well.

The two of them wandered over my (as yet unmade) bed while I packed. They were good supervisors:

Calypso eventually made it over to my pillow, which reminded me of the Arrested Development episode where Buster was upset because there was a (wild) bird on his pillow. I wasn't upset by the bird on mine, though! I thought it was cute.

I predict that the three of us have many good times ahead!

My update

2012-01-22T15:23:00.000-08:00

Personally, things are going really well for me. I don't think I realized the underlying stress I had with living with Thomas. I thought I was happy, but that's just because I'm a positive person. I've realized that the dark cloud of doom and gloom affected me more than I thought. Everyone is remarking on how good and happy I am now.

Today, I was reminded of an example of this. I was running with someone that I'd only met 4-5 times before. It was quite icy, and I fell down. Immediately, he stopped, helped me up, and made sure I was OK. You know, normal, pleasant behavior.

Last year, Thomas and I were running quite a bit together since we were training for several marathons and a 50 mile race. On three separate occasions, I slipped and fell on the ice. Every time, he yelled at me for being so irresponsible as to fall on the ice. These tirades were laced with expletives about how stupid I was since I knew it was icy, so why wasn't I more careful? He even asked me for the house key as he was just going to go on without me and I could make it home on my own and he'd open the door for me. He never once stopped to see if I was OK -- he just kept on running, and only came back when I asked him to, and then just to yell at me. Once I thought I might have broken something and wasn't sure I could get up, but he just yelled at me for being melodramatic and didn't help at all.

When a relative stranger is nicer to you than your own husband, that's a sign that something is wrong!

I think I just put up with it because we were married and I am a loyal person. Divorce never even entered my mind; I just made excuses for him. His true "excuse" is that he's a narcissist and sociopath who has no conscience or regard for anyone else. That's why he is able to leave the parrots so easily. He never really cared about them or me -- it was all just an act.

Although I am sad that I wasted over 13 years of my life with him, I am glad that I got out relatively unscathed and early enough that I can still have a great life. Also, since we don't have kids, I never have to see him again once the divorce is final (late May) and the house is sold. I can't wait!

Things are progressing on all fronts. I had a successful first interview last week and I meet with the CFO tomorrow. If all goes well, it's possible I'll have a job offer by the end of the week! Once I have a job, I can get an apartment near work and move out so that I can start my new life.

We have to sell our house, and at a party on Friday night, I met a really nice guy (I'd met him briefly a few times before) who happens to be a realtor! He also lives in my town, so we're going to get together to run a few times while I still live here and he's going to sell our house. He did tell me that he wanted to punch Thomas in the gut for how he treated me, so I will have that mental image with me when they meet :) I know he'll act professionally and restrain himself from violence.

I spent yesterday with my parents and sister, and we had a wonderful, stress-free visit.

I thought that without having to cater to Thomas, I'd have more time on evenings and weekends to do things like catch up on blog reading, catch up on book reading, etc. However, my social calendar is filling so much that I find I have even less time than before! I'm not sure if this will continue, but it's nice while it lasts.

I hope that everyone reading has been having a nice time as well. I am so excited about my future!

Updates on all who have been displaced due to my impending divorce

2012-01-22T15:05:00.000-08:00

I have updates on everyone who has had to leave my house due to my impending divorce. In order of their departure:

Stella is doing amazingly well. Her vets visited her at home last week as they are friends with her owner and they just love her. She is very lucky to have gone to an amazing home. She is loved by her owners, by her flockmates (especially the severe macaw!), by her vets, by everyone!

Here is a picture of her on her new kitchen counter. Isn't she as gorgeous as ever?

Rocky is up at the rescue, but doing really well. He enjoys all of the activity and rarely screams. He comes out on his stick and steps up for most people (still not me, though -- I must use a stick!) He lives next to a female severe macaw, and the two of them have stuck up a friendship through their cages.

He sings, talks, and is having a great time. What a resilient guy! I hope to get him in a home soon, but severe macaws are difficult to place, so I'm glad he's somewhere where I can keep an eye on him until we find the right home.

A few pictures:

Basil went home yesterday. He was supposed to be a foster, but then we were going to keep him since he fit in so well. The plan is for him to come back to me someday once I have a house. His family is so glad to have him back, though!

He remembered them and fit right back into the routine -- yelling at their dog "Bad dog!" and sharing meals with the family. They've promised to update me regularly on him, but his transition was basically seamless since he's going back to his old cage, routine, etc.

Of course I miss everyone at home, but knowing that they are happy is a burden off of my shoulders.

Stella update

2012-01-17T18:23:00.000-08:00

As I've mentioned before, Stella is in a fantastic home. She lives with another CAG (Ellie) and a severe macaw (Tango.) Tango loves grey parrots, so he is beyond happy to now have two girlfriends. I've been getting near daily updates and pictures on how well she's doing, and the one I got last night really made me smile:

I hope you had a great weekend. I can't believe we've only had Stella for a week already. We celebrated with french toast. She is a very good eater. It must be a grey thing cause they are not picky like Tango. Who by the way is in heaven with his 2 girlfriends. They all hang out together in their room and talk back and forth Tango does most of the talking but Stella is making lots of noises back at them. They are all so sweet my little loves.

I just received this additional update that made me laugh out loud:

They all throw kisses back and forth amongst the 3 of them in there its like a kissing festival. Too cute.

I am so happy for Stella and thankful that she is in an amzing, love-filled home!

Parrot breakfast

2012-01-17T18:19:00.000-08:00

With everything going on in my personal life, I probably haven't been as attentive to the parrots as I had in the past. I am making a conscious effort to change that! Max and Calypso were out with my for breakfast.

Max cheered my up by eating with gusto from her spoon:

My boss bought the juciest, most delicious oranges he'd ever had, and was nice enough to bring me one. Calypso was one of the lucky beneficiaries. He got every last bit of juice out of the orange section:

The three of us are looking forward to starting our new life together!

Sunday

2012-01-17T18:15:00.000-08:00

Sunday morning did not start out well. I'd been able to avoid Thomas most of the weekend, as I stayed in my room until he left to run in the morning and he'd left for work by the time I got back from my run. Additionally, he was out on dates with his married mistress at night, so I was back in my room by the time he got home. The dark cloud of doom and gloom was still present in my life, but not overpowering.

And then Sunday morning happened.

Unfortunately, I was unable to avoid him as he'd gotten up later than usual to run and I had committed to volunteer at a race. I stayed in my room until the last possible minute, but went downstairs to eat and get ready and he was still home.

Things were not openly hostile until he went to leave and saw that I'd left the key in the front door when I'd gotten back from my run the day before. This is obviously not ideal, but we live in a very safe place and nothing had happened. Also, he's done this dozens of times over the years and I just take out the key and don't say anything. Obviously, it was a mistake. In this exchange, the swear words that I will abbreviate were actual words coming from him. Plus there were lots more peppered in -- you get the idea.

Thomas: Do you know who left the key in the front door?

Me: It must have been me since I was the last one home from running yesterday. Sorry; it was an oversight.

T: I don't understand why you left the key in the front door?

Me: It was an accident. I was cold and tired after a long run. I didn't mean to.

T: Why the F did you leave the key in the door? Are you trying to get me killed? How can you be so irresponsible? (More yelling/complaining/swearing/blaming,etc.)

Finally, I left my breakfast and went into the bathroom until he left.

Later that evening, when he got home, he was congratulating himself on realizing that I was upset because he's trying to be more empathetic. Of course he wasn't hostile at all; he was just trying to let me know that I'd left the key in the door so that I don't do it again; excuses and more narcissistic excuses. What a wonderful guy!

Now that the blinders are off, I am realizing more and more what a jerk he is. People had been telling me for years that he was emotionally and verbally abusive to me (even some comments on the blog -- you guys are perceptive!), but I didn't believe them. Now I can see the truth and am remember many incidents from the past where he was abusive. I always made excuses for him -- he was tired from work, sore from his arthritis, he had a bad childhood, etc.

He should be out of the house by the end of the month, and our divorce should be final by the end of May. I can't wait to be done with him! I just don't understand why he's being hostile to me. I was loyal and a great wife -- even he admits that. He's the one who had an affair (with someone who could be a clone of his mom) and destroyed our marriage. You'd think he'd be apologetic or at least happy since he's getting what he wants. Instead, he's ramped up his abuse of me.

After that upsetting exchange, I went to my volunteer position, where I had a great time as I was assigned as a sentry with one of my friends. We had to make sure that runners went the right way along the course:

It was held at a zoo, so this was our long-range view of the closest enclosure:

Zoomed in: a pacing cheetah. Probably jealous of everyone running by! I've done this race before, and the deer/moose get so excited. They start circling their enclosures and running with the racers.

After our volunteer shift was over, my friend and I went for our run. I don't even want to think what my mental state would be right now without exercise.

I am doing really well. I will be doing much better once these things are complete: getting a job, getting an apartment, moving to the new apartment. And I will be wonderful once these additional things are complete: selling the house, completing the divorce, never seeing Thomas again.

I'm still trying to figure out why I put up with his bad behavior for so long. I suspect that he has a combination of antisocial personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder. I do know that I was frequently embarrassed by his behavior around other people. Why didn't I do something earlier? Would I have lived like this forever had he not had an affair? I thought I was happy (I have a high happiness baseline) but can I be even happier?

My new life is beckoning! I am changing back to my maiden name, and I've signed up for several races using my real name. I also called the art museum to see if they could back-date my new individual membership since I was the driving force behind our membership and there are perks the longer you're a member. I was told no, but that I could just take over the membership, so I did. That was one little victory for me! My new art museum membership cards, with my new name, should arrive next week. I can't wait!

Saturday

2012-01-14T16:02:00.000-08:00

I had a great morning! I met one of my favorite running partners and we had a great chat for 2 hours as we ran. I have signed up to do a 50 kilometer (31 mile) race in May, so I need to get out and do some longer distances than I have the past few months to train. I ran 15.1 miles this morning, which put me at 40 miles for the week and allows for an extra beer with dinner tonight :) I don't even want to contemplate what my mental state would be without running.

I have been trying to avoid Thomas as much as possible. I stayed in bed until after he left for his run and I left for mine a bit early so I wouldn't be here when he returned. Unfortunately, there's about a 0.2 mile section where I would be going out and he would be coming home that we could run into each other. I mean, what are the chances? 100% in this case. I just waved to him, as I would any other runner. He has become someone that I used to know.

Then, I met my mom for lunch and some shopping. We had a great afternoon! I had a phone interview for a job yesterday (my current job ends on March 31) and found out that they want me to come in for an in-person interview next week, so I had to get a new suit, which my mom bought for me. The last time I wore a suit was in 2003 and I'd already donated my old suits, thinking I'd never have to wear one again. (You know...I put Thomas through medical school and then he allows me to follow my dream of going back to school or working or starting my own nonprofit. I held up my end of the bargain...) I also bought another pair of pants since I only had one pair that fit me, having lost weight due to the stress of my impending divorce.

I came home and spent some time boxing things up and getting ready to move more things to my parents' house. I want to get down to just the essentials here in case Thomas gets violent and I have to quickly leave the house. That's part of the reason I'm trying to get the animals placed as soon as possible, with smaller, temporary cages at my parents' house if Max and Calypso have to stay there until I get an apartment.

Almost real-time blogging; these pictures were taken about 30 minutes ago. Thomas is currently out on a date with his married mistress; the parrots and I are enjoying an evening at home. We hope he stays out until they go to bed and I go upstairs to my room.

Calypso, who does not realize his dreams are about to come true and he will soon be rid of Thomas forever:

Max, who knows something is up and has been extra loving to me in an attempt to reassure herself everything will be OK:

Basil, who returns to his home a week from today. He loves his owners, so will be very happy to see them again. The plan is for him still to be willed to me at some point. I can't keep him now because he's too loud for an apartment, but by the time he needs to be rehomed, hopefully I will be in a house and he can come back to me:

Beeps, who is reacting to the stress in the house by being increasingly aggressive, but just to Thomas (and when he sees the camera, as usual):

I've gotten daily updates and pictures on Stella. She is doing remarkably well in her new home. She always seemed to want to befriend Max, but Max was not interested. In her new home, Stella's grey companion, Ellie, appears to want to be friends, so we're hopeful things will go well. Additionally, she lives with a severe macaw who loves greys. When he was at the rescue where I volunteer, I'd take him around with me to greet the parrots. He'd ignore everyone except the greys. When we'd stop by a grey's cage, he'd blush a bit and say "hi! hello!" and flirt a bit. He's enjoying his little grey harem (from afar -- they don't physically interact, he just talks to them.)

Rocky is doing really well at the rescue. I visited him on Thursday but forgot to take pictures. He's housed next to a female severe macaw, and the two of them go to the bottom of their respective cages and interact. I took him out and he seemed rather happy to see me. He was talking, singing, and dancing. He's extremely resilient and will be OK. He's enjoying the activity of the rescue and I will be involved in finding him a great home.

Thomas has not asked about Rocky or Stella at all and has basically ignored the parrots we still have at home. It's so strange how someone can change so much, or possibly that they were able to hide for so long and then reveal their true self. He fooled me for years, but now that I look back on things, they weren't as great as I thought they were. I am doing some writing exercises to understand our relationship and heal. One was to come up with 5 nice things he'd done for me over the course of our relationship and then 5 upsetting things. I could only come up with about 3 nice things and stopped at about 32 upsetting things before I realized I was supposed to stop at 5!

I just rationalized and made excuses for a lot of his behavior. I'm pretty sure he has a combination of narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder, so I'm pretty lucky to be able to get out and start anew. It's just too bad that the parrots are affected by his behavior.

My friends, both online and in real life, have been amazing. Even my massage therapist has been calling to make sure I'm OK and gave me his cell phone number in case I ever need to chat. My mom and I have made tentative plans to go to Europe once the divorce is final (possibly with my dad and sister), and my favorite running partner is going to hook me up with one of her friends who loves to go birding and would like a companion. 2012 is going to be a fantastic year!

What I'm listening to tonight...

2012-01-13T17:26:00.000-08:00

He's back in the house :(

2012-01-11T17:41:00.000-08:00

Thomas was supposed to come back tonight, but apparently his mistress's husband returned from his trip earlier than expected, so he returned last night instead. He's not sure how long he's going to stay -- it could be days, weeks, or months. I may be out before he is! And then we have to sell the house.

The dark cloud of doom and gloom has returned. It's very stressful. The negativity is palpable. He was like this before, but I always minimized and rationalized his behavior. It will be a challenge to live together while we continue along the path to divorce. If he's going to be here, at least he could try to be pleasant. A cider or bit of wine makes him nearly tolerable.

Yesterday I went birding with a few friends, leaving work early. Some short-eared owls had been sighted, so off we went. After seeing them fly around a bit, we lucked out on one that was standing in a ditch on the side of the road, only about 15 feet from our car! We watched him for a few minutes until he took off. Simply breathtaking!

After that enjoyable experience, I had to return home to Thomas. Not fun. We came to an agreement on the property settlement, in an attempt to avoid going to litigation on the divorce. We wrote it out and both signed it, so hopefully he will uphold his word this time. As opposed to the part of our marriage ceremony where he promised to forsake all others. You might be able to see that I'm not overly optimistic about this! I didn't get what I feel I deserve, but it's reasonable and two lawyers told me that if we could agree to this, I'd be better off than taking my chances with litigation where I'd probably get a bit more but with lawyers' fees and the stress of litigation.

Despite my negative tone in this entry, I am doing quite well. My eyes have been opened and I've reviewed our relationship. There's a big difference between sharing values and sharing hobbies. We certainly shared hobbies, but our values are opposite. I value honesty, integrity, family, kindness to animals and people, etc. I'm really lucky to escape from this relationship at a relatively young age, so I still have years of happiness ahead of me.

I have some leads on jobs (mine ends on March 31) and hopefully will secure something in the next month or so. Once I know where I will be working, I can rent an apartment and Max, Calypso, and I can move out.

Once again, my family and friends (including all of you!) have stepped up and have helped me through this process. I have been overwhelmed with how supportive and loving everyone has been. I have heard more compliments in the past 6 weeks than in the previous year. No one can understand how/why this happened. And if they met her, they'd understand even less!

The past few years have absolutely flown by, so now I'm hoping the next 6 months do as well. I am excited about my new life and can't wait to get started! It's just hard to do here with him around. I feel like I'm currently stuck in neutral and I just want to move on.

Rocky's last day at my house

2012-01-11T17:21:00.000-08:00

The day after Stella went home, Rocky went up to the rescue. I was hoping to place him directly in a home to prevent his return to the rescue, but I was unable to find a place for him. He was very unhappy at my house with Thomas gone. He would scream, non-stop, for hours. It was stressing me out terribly, at an already stressful time in my life.

I had a friend come to my house to help me move his cage. Thomas refused to help out. He's basically checked out and has not been helpful at all. He's the one who destroyed the marriage, and I'm the one who's having to do most of the work now. It's just unfair and I can't wait until this is over and I can start my new life.

Here are some pictures of Rocky on his last day at my house:

In the carrier, about to leave for the last time:

I heard that he's doing OK up there. I will be up there tomorrow and I can see how he's doing. I feel terrible that this is what happened to him. Once again, he was just supposed to be a foster, and Thomas begged me to keep him back in 2006. I acquiesced, and now Thomas abandons us.

Rocky's a tough guy, and he's living near two other severe macaws. I'm hoping that his resiliency will serve him again until he can find a new home. I will update on his progress, perhaps with pictures.

Stella's last day at my house

2012-01-11T17:14:00.000-08:00

Stella went to her new home last Saturday. She is in great hands -- I've received daily updates so far as to her progress. She is settling in well, making noises, and talking a bit. She is nicely stepping up and integrating well. I only hope that Beeps and Rocky will fare as well as she has.

I took some pictures on her last morning with me. She is just so adorable and I miss her terribly!

One of the last times that she and Max were near each other:

I'm trying not to be too hard on myself that I couldn't keep her, but I still feel as I failed her. She was just supposed to be a foster, and Thomas decided he couldn't live without her, so she bonded to us and then we disappoint her. It's just tearing me apart that Thomas's selfish and unreasonable actions have had far-reaching implications on these innocent creatures. Stella is one of the lucky ones as she's currently in a great home. I still can't believe that it's not mine.

A good day

2012-01-08T16:20:00.000-08:00

I really will try to get some pictures up soon. Maybe even later tonight if I don't get caught up in a book!

I had a fantastic day today. I updated my resume -- something that I'd been putting off because Thomas had promised me that once I put him through medical school, I no longer had to work in my profession. I was excited to have the time to explore some hobbies, maybe go back to school, or spend time volunteering at or starting my own nonprofit. I upheld my end of the bargain, but six months out from him finishing after I supported him through applying for school, 4 years of school, 3 years of residency, and 2 years of fellowship, he decided to no longer uphold his end of the bargain.

I went into my profession not because I was passionate about it, but because I had a talent for it and I knew I'd always be able to support myself. For many years, I thought I'd been foolish not to follow my passion since I'd married someone who was becoming a doctor. And now I found out that practicality won out after all.

Rocky and Stella are out of the house. Stella is in an amazing home. They have updated me as to how well she's adapting. Rocky does not currently have as happy of a story. This is the first night he'll be spending at the rescue where I volunteer. I had hoped to directly place him into a home, but his near-constant screaming meant that he and I were both extremely unhappy.

However, there are two female severe macaws up for adoption right now, so he's getting reacquainted with some of his own kind. I am hopeful that we'll find him a great home. (If anyone is willing to travel to the midwest and wants to adopt Rocky, let me know!)

I am listening to Tchaikovsky (if you have not heard his Violin Concerto in D, please do so soon!) and having a wonderful evening with the rest of the parrots.

Earlier in the day, I went to lunch and then shopping with my best friend and her family. This is someone that I neglected far too long due to Thomas's social issues that I had previously explained away or made excuses about.

I expect to have great days to come. Things might get a bit challenging as Thomas plans to return home on Wednesday. I believe that his mistress's husband is returning from a month away and will be moving back into their marital home . (Thomas has been living with his mistress for the majority of the past three weeks, except for the times when he said he wanted to try to reconcile with me and spent a night or two here before returning to her. Until I put a stop to that, realizing that I deserve to be no less than #1 in my partner's life.) Since we jointly own the house, I can't kick him out. He has nowhere else to go, and I can't leave since I can't trust him to properly care for the animals. At best, I can hope for a pleasant detente.

I will be blogging more regularly; sorry for the absence -- things were out of control, as was my mind! But I am confident of my decision and in a great place. I hope that everyone else had great weekends!

Thanks so much for your care and concern. I have collated all of your caring comments into a document and will read (and have been reading) them when I get down. I will be fine -- even better than before. It's pretty amazing what you can get used to (I was like a frog in boiling water!) that, with hindsight, was unacceptable.

I look forward to spending the next few months working on myself and hopefully finding the true love of my life in the future.

Another update

2012-01-06T12:06:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that so much time has passed since my last update. I think that had I been updating about the divorce on a near real-time basis, it may have come across as if I were the crazy one. Thomas kept changing his mind from one day to the next about whether he wanted to try to work things out with me or stay with his mistress, and I didn't really know what I wanted either.

Since he knows about the blog, I think it's probably best if I don't go into too many details here until after the divorce is final, if at all. Suffice it to say that earlier this week I took the decision out of his hands and told him that I was done. I am no one's second choice, and after some of his actions earlier this week, I realized that I could never trust him again.

My biggest concern is with my animals. When we adopted each one, I really thought that they were in their forever home. It breaks my heart that Thomas's selfishness will make that not happen. Worse, he's the one who wanted to make most of the adoptions permanent instead of the fosters they were originally supposed to be, and then he leaves me with the mess to clean up. Currently, all of the animals are still at home, but that won't be true 24 hours from now.

Stella's new family comes to pick her up tomorrow afternoon. It's a great home, and I know she'll be very happy there. I'll get frequent updates, and she'll be living with another CAG and a severe macaw. I'll be sad to lose her, but I don't worry about her at all.

Basil will be going back to his owners sometime this month. We are trying to finalize schedules.

Rocky was scheduled to go up to the rescue earlier this week, but Thomas convinced me to keep him at home because Thomas planned on staying home to see if we could make our marriage work. That lasted less than two days and he's back living with his mistress while her husband is out of town. Of course that means that Rocky is screaming nearly non-stop again and raising the stress level in the house. I am going to get him up to the rescue as quickly as I can; probably early next week. I will continue to look for a home for him while he's there, but it will not be easy since he's such a challenge.

My boss is going to take the fish in my tank, so we will move those over early next week.

I have a couple of leads on where Andreas, my uromastyx lizard, can go.

Max and Calypso will stay with me, though they may have to temporarily live with my parents until I am in a stable living situation.

That leaves Beeps. He can stay at the house for a while until we figure out what to do. Worst case, he goes up to the rescue as well. At different times, Thomas has said that he'd take him, but he has proven to be untrustworthy and later changes his mind, so who knows what will happen. I know that in the comments, someone expressed an interest in him. When I feel up to it, I will contact you to see if it might work.

I know that I haven't been updating here, responding to e-mails, phone calls, or texts. I apologize, but I just can't seem to find the energy. This is the most stressful thing I've ever had to deal with. There is so much uncertainty and unpleasant work in my future -- rehoming the animals, finding a job, finding an apartment, moving, selling the house, working out the divorce settlement, etc.

I am overwhelmed. My friends have been great, and I have been taking them up on going out as much as I can. I am forcing myself to go out at least twice a week to do things. It's tough because all I want to do is curl up in bed, read self-help books, and try to make sense of what's happening to me.

I think that my blog will take on a very different look over the next few months. Obviously less about the parrots, since I won't have as many, and more about turning the chaos that currently is my life into something even better than it was before.

I do have some pictures/stories about the parrots on my camera that I will post when I can. I just haven't felt up to it. It's all happened so quickly -- in just over a month. Taking 13 years of hopes, dreams, and plans, and having them squashed in 30 days is exhausting.

I hope to start posting on a more regular basis, but I guess it depends on how I feel. Thanks for being there and for caring. I know I will get through this; it will just take time. I'm already feeling much better than I was a few weeks ago. I do think that ultimately I will be better off without Thomas in my life. He put on a good front for over a decade, but ultimately, he could no longer hide who he really was. It's too bad that he had to hurt so many of us in the process.

I will be taking time to be alone, reflect on things, and emerge happier than ever. Hopefully that will be reflected here over the next few months! I believe that once I get a job lined up and am in a new apartment, it will be easier to move on. While I don't want to wish my life away, I wish it were a year from now and this pain could all be in the past.

Update - status quo

2011-12-20T10:38:00.000-08:00

First, let me thank you all for your concern and well wishes. I am so lucky to have a wonderful support system in real life and online, as well as an amazing family. Everyone has reacted in ways I never expected. They say you don't know who your true friends are until you face adversity. I think usually that means that people fail to live up to your expectations, but in my case, I've been overwhelmed with how helpful and supportive everyone has been. I have far more friends than I realized, and it's been very helpful while dealing with this situation I found myself in.

Things are going OK -- life must go on. I am trying to get things figured out. We've had discussions about splitting up our property, which has been heart-wrenching. He's, at least temporarily, out of the house, which makes things easier for me to try to heal. I'm going to take some boxes of stuff to my parents' this weekend for storage.

I've tried to be proactive. Yesterday I had a counseling appointment and the psychologist said I was strong and doing amazingly well. Maybe they tell that to everyone, but it was good to hear. I meet her again in about five weeks to discuss how I've been doing. She gave me a list of things to think about, which has been helpful. I've spoken with a divorce attorney, which definitely made things seem real. I see the doctor in January for STD testing. I have an appointment with a recruiter set up for next month so I can find a job since mine ends in March. Making tangible progress has been helpful and makes me feel more in control of the situation.

The parrots know things aren't right. They miss Thomas terribly. It's been particularly hard on Rocky. He spends most of his time screaming, which adds to my stress level. I think I may board him at the rescue while I try to find him a home as he's so unhappy it's affecting me and the rest of the parrots. Stella and Basil are set to go to their new homes in early January, after the holidays.

Physically, I've lost 8 pounds so far -- pounds I didn't have to lose. I am trying to eat enough, but the stress is still working its magic. I only have one pair of pants that fit me; I'd accidentally bought a size too small online and never got around to returning them. Everything else falls right off. I guess this means I get to eat extra Christmas cookies this weekend. And maybe an extra glass of wine :) But then I don't know what size suit to buy for interviewing. A small concern in the grand scheme of things, but troubling nevertheless.

My psychologist said to continue to exercise, so I've been doing that. It feels great, so I've been doing a little extra -- 10 miles this morning. I need to keep tabs on that to make sure it doesn't get out of control. I've checked out a bunch of self-help books from the library and will be reading them to try to make sense of things and to become a stronger person.

I am just very sad. I know this isn't the man that I married; there's no way he could have fooled me as to his true personality for 13 years. He got swept up in something, made some incredibly bad decisions, and now we're all paying the price.

Divorce

2011-12-18T09:37:00.000-08:00

The reason I haven't been posting much is because on December 4, Thomas shocked me with the news that he'd been having an affair with a coworker for two weeks and wanted to divorce so that he could be with her.

I was obviously shocked, as I thought things were wonderful. We had tons of hobbies in common and spent lots of time together: running, hiking, birdwatching, volunteering, etc. I was still very much in love, and until the end of October, he'd been acting the same way. I thought he was joking at first.

The next day, he said he wanted to try to work things out, but ultimately decided that he was done with the marriage. I've been working on accepting this, though I've only known for two weeks this was even a possibility.

Right now, he and his girlfriend are out looking for apartments to rent, and he's hoping to move out by the end of the week. Merry Christmas to me.

Unfortunately, this will have an impact on the parrots. I can't afford to keep the house, and there's no way I can afford an apartment that will allow me to keep all of the parrots. It just makes me sick, because there's no way I ever would have gotten so many animals had I thought there was even the possibility that something like this could happen. Most of the parrot acquisitions were spear-headed by him, and now he's walking out and abandoning us all. We made promises to the parrots that they were in their forever home, and because of his actions, that's no longer the case.

I will be able to keep Max and Calypso. My parents have a small home, and they can temporarily take them while I find a new place to live, should it be necessary. Basil will go back to his previous home, and I found an amazing home for Stella. That leaves Rocky and Beeps. I can't take Beeps because he and Calypso don't get along, and my smaller place won't allow for adequate separation. I can't take Rocky because he doesn't like me, and would certainly be too loud in an apartment. My boss will take the fish, and I have a couple of leads of placing Andreas.

I just don't know what to do. I feel very overwhelmed and sad. Reality still hasn't hit. This has been the worst 8 week period of my life. First, I find out that I'm losing my job at the end of March. Then, Brian dies. Finally, my marriage ends. What else could happen?

Mischief

2011-12-07T06:17:00.000-08:00

Yesterday morning, I was making a lasagna in the slow cooker for dinner. I had the greys in the kitchen with me, and they were mostly behaving. I got involved in chopping carrots and got a little complacent when things got quiet.

I'm not entirely sure what I was thinking, but probably that Stella was nicely sitting on her stand, certainly not what was really happening:

Luckily, she did not take a bite out of all of the apples, but restrained herself to just one.

When she'd had enough of the apple, she started in on my ingredients that I had on the island. For example, trying to get into the walnuts:

And then slamming a can of tomatoes around. I think her goal here was more to express frustration at not getting walnuts and not that she wanted tomatoes:

I did worry she might have a stomachache from eating so much apple, but that didn't appear to happen. She was normal when I got home from work yesterday, and had even eaten her pellets.

Danger shower

2011-12-06T07:22:00.000-08:00

Thomas was taking a shower last week, so I asked him if he'd be interested in having Beeps as a companion instead of Rocky. We joked that it would be a danger shower since Beeps is so unpredictable.

He did make many threatening moves throughout the course of the shower, but he was all bluff. Nothing like a little adventure in the morning to keep Thomas on his toes!

Hot food

2011-12-06T07:17:00.000-08:00

Last week, Max tried to help herself to some of our dinner (this recipe if anyone else has a butternut squash around that needs to be eaten -- it was delicious!) It's hard to see in this picture, but the steam was preventing her from trying it (she ultimately did get some squash.)

This reminded us of a story from her chick-hood, almost 10 years ago. We were very new to parrots and had only had her a couple of weeks. We had made spaghetti noodles, so we gave her one. But we weren't careful enough with the temperature to make sure it was cool enough first.

She gulped down the noodle without chewing; belatedly, she realized it was too hot, so she grabbed the end of the noodle with her foot and pulled the entire noodle out of her body. It was so strange to see, and gave us a important lesson (that you think we would have known based on common sense) about making sure food is cool enough for them.

Now, every time she investigates food that's too hot, we ask her if she remembers the noodle incident from when she was a little chick. I don't know if she does, but she is very careful to wait to eat something until it won't burn her.

Goofy Greys

2011-12-02T08:14:00.000-08:00

Last night, Stella kept trying to bully all of the parrots away from their food so she could eat the choice morsels from everyone's dishes. Of course this was not allowed, but as soon as I removed her from Max's cage, she'd fly over to Basil's cage. Finally, I removed her to the kitchen, where she perched with an innocent look on her face:

Until, seeing Calypso go inside his cage so he could dunk his food in his water, she decided to steal his food:

I removed her right after taking the picture.

Shortly after, she started going on adventures with Max, like hanging out by the apples:

As I didn't want any of my apples to have beak-sized pieces removed, the greys were removed and put on proper perches. Something must have been in the air as they were up to no good last night. I'm hoping they will be a bit calmer today!

More Rocky box fun

2011-11-30T06:35:00.000-08:00

One of Rocky's friends gave me an extra large shoe box for him (thanks, Strider!) I threw in a bunch of 2X4 wood slices for him to chip, and he was a very happy parrot. I still haven't been able to take a picture of him entirely inside a box, but I'm getting a bit closer with this one:

I thought he might go inside, but then he apparently decided that the hole wasn't yet large enough.

When I got home from work yesterday, he'd demolished the entire box and all of the wood slices had been chipped as well. He had a busy day!

Head pets

2011-11-29T05:30:00.000-08:00

Thomas was sitting on the kitchen table, so Max flew over and rested her head against his leg, hoping for head pets. Of course he complied -- how could he resist her?

Even though she was receiving head pets, she'd occasionally pull her head away and scratch her own head for a second, which is her way of letting us know she wants head pets.

Then she'd put her head back on Thomas's leg for some more.

She especially loves it when we pet the white part of her face, but we have to watch out for sudden movements on her part so we don't get her eye!

Crumbs!

2011-11-28T06:32:00.000-08:00

I got home and decided to spend a bit of dedicated time with Calypso before letting the rest of the parrots out. He's a bit more reserved, so can fall between the cracks if I just focus on the parrots who demand attention.

He was sitting on my knee and I gave him a cracker. It was a tiny, caique-sized piece. Given the crumbs on my pants, I'm not sure how much of this cracker he ingested!

Sticky beaks

2011-11-28T06:29:00.000-08:00

Last week, Basil had a down feather attached to his beak. We joked he was dressing like Santa a month early:

I couldn't figure out which picture was my favorite, so I'm posting three of them!

Feather in motion:

There must have been something in the air, as Rocky got part of Thomas's dessert stuck to his beak that same evening (it's an oat):

Stella's drive to nest

2011-11-23T08:05:00.000-08:00

Stella has a very strong drive to nest in dark places. Because we don't want to encourage egg production, we do not allow this. However, every time we open a cabinet, she flies down and tries to go inside.

Yesterday morning, she tried to get into the space above our stove and microwave by knocking over a decorative panel designed to look like a cabinet.

I removed her right after taking this picture, otherwise who knows how far inside she would have gotten! She might still be lost in the bowels of our house as I have no idea where this false cabinet leads.

Max lurks around

2011-11-23T08:00:00.000-08:00

Last night, as I was putting the parrots to bed, Max flew to the stairs and then ran into our bedroom. She doesn't like to go to bed and would stay up all night if we allowed this. Of course, she'd then be extremely crabby the next day. This is in contrast to some of our other parrots, especially Calypso and Basil, who eagerly go inside their cages to nap when they're tired.

Smart parrot that she is, she ran under the bed, as we have a harder time reaching her, especially if she stays in the middle of the bed, since our arms are only so long.

I was kneeling on the floor, talking to her, so she came out to get some head pets, but then quickly ran back under the bed:

I know we shouldn't have turned this into a game, but it was so funny. I hope we didn't inadvertently start a new bedtime routine. After a few minutes, we told her we were serious and she had to step up; she complied, and ultimately went to bed.

This did not appear to be nesting behavior (it seemed to be "I want to stay up late" behavior) but since she is 10 and therefore mature, we'll have to keep an eye on that.

Pants macaw

2011-11-22T08:00:00.000-08:00

Most nights, Rocky likes to spend some time in Thomas's pants, chipping up 2X4 slices.

*************************
In the comments, Beloved Parrot had asked how the other parrots were taking Brian's demise. They don't seem to be affected at all. Last Friday, before I buried him, I took his body around to show everyone, so they could see him. Stella did a double take, Max and Rocky just stared at him, and everyone else (Basil and the caiques) seemed oblivious to what was going on.

When he was alive, no one ever really seemed to consider him part of their flock. He didn't call back and forth with anyone, and we were so careful not to allow any sort of physical interaction (until, of course, the fatal accident.) For them, life is back to normal. The humans in the house are not yet to that point.

At the rescue where I volunteer, the budgies are in a flight cage. None are tame. Yesterday, I was watching the budgies play and enjoying their antics. Several came up to the front of the cage, intrigued by my presence. I hope they find good homes.

Obsession

2011-11-22T07:05:00.000-08:00

Beeps has recently started flying into the kitchen on a much more frequent basis. He's not looking for trouble; he just wants to be near us. Unfortunately, this riles Calypso up, who feels the need to keep track of Beeps's every movement and frequently threaten him. Beeps appears mostly oblivious to this.

Calypso stops what he's doing -- whether that's playing with a favorite toy or eating, but usually one of the two -- to stare at Beeps. This continues until Beeps flies back into the living room.

Both caiques have been extra loving to me in the past week. This has been most welcome. Now, if only they could put aside their differences and befriend each other!

Precarious

2011-11-21T07:00:00.000-08:00

Earlier this year, Thomas and I competed in a race in which age group awards were hand-made and hand-painted mugs. To our surprise, both of us won a mug! This has also created much laughter in our house, as my mug was larger (I was in the top 3 overall females and he was in top 3 for males in his age group), so he'll joke about just being a little thirsty or needing a tiny drink of water. It's all in good fun, as this is definitely the nicest prize either of us has won in a race.

He keeps his mug out on the counter so he remembers to drink from it daily. Thus far, it's pretty much been ignored by the parrots. Except one time, when Thomas left it close to the edge and Stella threw it to the ground in a fit -- luckily no damage occurred! Since then, he's remembered to push it far back from the edge.

Over the weekend, I saw Max trying to perch on it. I warned her she was too heavy and she'd tip over, but she succeeded, even resting on one foot!

I'm still surprised it could support her weight.

Nature weekend

2011-11-20T11:38:00.000-08:00

Thanks again for all of your support -- it means a lot. We are still missing Brian immensely. I buried him on Friday after work. I scratched his head -- something he never let me do when he was alive -- and thought about the good times we had together. My tears fell on him, and I was thinking how wonderful it would be if they had some sort of magical power that could restore him to life. Of course, nothing happened, but I pulled out some of his lovely blue feathers and have them safe in a drawer. He's now resting in the back yard, along with the rest of the budgies who've left us over the years. Lenny, Ethel, Jeff Saturday, and Daphne.

Until this point in the day, I had not cried and was able to look back at pictures and videos of him fondly. I think about him almost constantly, but it makes me happy to remember how wonderful he was and how lucky we were to have as much time with him as we did. I know I shouldn't but I keep thinking of different "what ifs" -- it's amazing to think how decisions made nearly a decade earlier were ultimately instrumental in what happened. For example, if I'd taken a different job in 2002, I probably wouldn't have been home until much later, sparing his life. Or, if thugs hadn't broken into our house in 2005, we wouldn't have moved, which means we wouldn't have had room for Rocky (though we would have had room for Brian), and he'd still be alive. It's just interesting how seemingly unrelated events can conspire against me.

We decided to try to spend much of the weekend in nature, as that always helps to raise our spirits. We went to one of Thomas's favorite places, where there are lots of natural springs. It was peaceful:

Some of the springs:

And we even saw a few cedar waxwings, Thomas's favorite wild bird:

We both felt much better. Thomas is adamant that we can't add any more birds to our house. Maybe when we move and the set up is different. We have no plans to move. I'm not sure if he'll still feel this way once he can process more of his grief. In any way, it's way too early for us to think about adding anyone else. Of course, I had three different people ask me if we'd take their special-needs birds since Brian died. I had to turn them all down.

I had figured that our bird-bath activity would mostly be done for the year (it certainly will be soon once we turn off the outside water and close down the bird bath for the year) so it was a pleasant surprise to see a dark-eyed junco bathing this morning:

We'll definitely get out hiking some more this holiday weekend. Nature really helps heal us.

Window

2011-11-18T07:00:00.000-08:00

Look where I found Calypso earlier this week, gazing out the window:

Consoling

2011-11-17T07:10:00.000-08:00

Thomas is taking the loss of Brian particularly hard. He told me today that when we grocery shop, we can cut down on our bread purchase as he doesn't think he can eat toast again as that was something he shared with Brian every morning and it would make him too sad. He's been extremely morose the past few days, and I hope that he can work through his grief.

The still-living parrots are doing their best to help him. They can sense his sadness and have been gathering around him more than usual. A few scenes from last night:

I broached the subject of getting another budgie someday (months or years in the future); showing him some safer cages that I found online yesterday. It may have been too soon. He said that he considers this house to be a budgie death trap and that no more parrots can enter this house. It's going to be a tough few weeks until we can find a new sense of normalcy.

I've got Basil's foot

2011-11-17T07:05:00.000-08:00

Basil frequently says "I've got your foot" and I've known from talking to his owners that he'll hold on to their foot while saying this. He hadn't felt comfortable enough with us to do this; in fact, when I'd touch his feet (when he was hanging on to the cage bars), he'd scramble back down to the safety of his interior perches.

Until recently. Last week, he put his leg through his cage bars and grasped for my finger as he said "I've got your foot!" We stayed for several minutes like this. Here he is, holding on to Thomas's finger:

And this has become our new nightly routine:

Basil talks at night

2011-11-17T07:00:00.000-08:00

I took this video last week, before the dark cloud of gloom descended on our house. For some reason, I can only upload one video per post when I upload from home (I can do multiple videos when I upload from work) so these videos will have to be in two posts.

Basil gets very talkative at night. The video is very dark since it's bedtime!

Thank you

2011-11-16T10:34:00.000-08:00

Thank you to everyone for your kind and supportive comments about Brian. It is really helpful. When I posted what happened, I worried about receiving mean comments that would only make me feel worse (if that's even possible) -- you guys are the best.

I miss him so much! He was such a special soul and I wish I would have had him for many more years, but I know I need to treasure the time I had with him. I'm happy that I have so many photos and videos to remember him by. I'll post some more in the future, when I'm feeling up to it.

I spent much of yesterday sobbing, so far today it's only been tears leaking out. Luckily I have a very understanding boss and no customer contact! I was even able to sleep through the night (after being unable to sleep Monday night), though most my dreams were about Brian.

I think one of the things that pains me the most is that I thought I had taken every precaution. I've relived the experience hundreds of times in my head, and there's nothing that I would have done differently under the same circumstances.

It's made me question whether I should ever own another budgie. I can't imagine the rest of my life in a budgie-less existence, though I'm certainly not ready to add another one at this point. The woman who runs the rescue suggested that I look into acrylic cages or other ways of adding an additional safety layer. This is something I will have to look into in due time. Right now it's still too raw.

Max and (surprisingly) Basil were very empathetic yesterday as I was changing their foods and waters in the morning. Max would not leave my side and made frequent kissing sounds. Basil kept softly repeating, "I love you Basil" which is what I tell him when I'm trying to comfort him. They could tell something was wrong and were trying to cheer me up.

Anyway, I will try to get back to regular posting tomorrow. Thanks again for your compassion -- it means a lot, more than I can express.

RIP, Brian

2011-11-14T17:40:00.000-08:00

Little Brian died tonight. I am just devastated. When we took him in last December, we thought we'd have a couple of months with him until his tumor took his life. We ended up having nearly 11 months with Brian. It wasn't enough, and it wasn't his tumor that took his life.

I came home from work a bit early today as I wanted to see the parrots. I'd let the larger parrots out of their cages, but kept Brian inside his for safety. I was on the far side of the room, away from his cage, when Rocky walked in to the kitchen. He started to climb up Brian's cage. I made my way, with a stick, to remove Rocky from Brian's cage. I still don't know how it happened so quickly, but a split second before I arrived, Rocky bit Brian's beak off, through his cage bars.

I rushed Brian to the vet, and was told that there was nothing that could be done. With larger parrots, they can learn to eat and survive without their upper beak, but that's not the case for budgies. My choices were to let him slowly starve to death, or euthanize. I chose the latter. I still can't believe this happened.

I am killing myself with what ifs -- what if I'd not come home from work early, had done yoga when I got home, not let the larger parrots out of their cages, gotten to Brian's cage one second earlier, taken Brian out and had him on my shoulder, etc. He'd still be alive.

I did everything I could to provide him with the best life possible, and I turned out to be his worst enemy. I miss him so much already. It was so quiet tonight without his cheerful chatter. I can never own another budgie again, due to the way I failed Brian. I don't even think I deserve to own any of my parrots, but they are stuck with me. How could this happen?

I am so sorry, Brian. We loved you so much and you deserved better. I will never be able to forgive myself.

Pretty baby

2011-11-14T07:00:00.000-08:00

I took this video last week of Beeps. He was quite excited, doing his special whistle and saying "pretty baby!" and I wanted to get it on video. When he saw the camera, he got even more excited and started doing his head snaking and marching around. Had I continued much longer, I would have risked a bite.

He usually does the whistle that I do here, then follows with "pretty baby!" but the camera alters his behavior. I did the whistle, trying to get him to end with "pretty baby!" -- this worked twice while I filmed, but usually has a much better success rate. The camera really does trigger him!

As soon as I removed the camera from his sight, he stopped his menacing behavior.

Not just cookies

2011-11-11T11:56:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, as part of my breakfast, I was eating an apple with peanut butter. I had put the requisite ingredients (can I call them ingredients if there's only two?) on the counter. It came as no surprise what happened next. Max loves peanut butter and Stella loves apples. Curiously, Stella does not like peanut butter and Max does not like apples.

Even though Stella does not like peanut butter, when she saw Max beaking the jar, she had to join in:

But she quickly moved on to my apple! I hadn't even started to cut it up yet.

At the kitchen table, I was eating my breakfast while minding my own business, when Stella flew over, grabbed a piece of my apple and helped herself:

I was just reading in a book yesterday about studies showing that wild animals prefer to forage, even when food is readily accessible to them. That's certainly true for my greys.

Cookie monster, part 3

2011-11-10T11:55:00.000-08:00

Stella knows the container where we keep our cookies. The empty container was on the counter, waiting to get washed, so she flew over and tried to open the cover. Since she is not delicate (I can't really blame her since she's using a beak instead of hands to open it), I opened it for her to show her that her efforts would be in vain -- we'd eaten all of the cookies. I expected her to fly back to her stand, but I was wrong.

I underestimated her longing for cookie crumbs, as she immediately jumped up to clean up:

A few seconds after that, she really got into it:

Could it have been worth it? There were hardly any crumbs, and they were tiny!

Quiet Calypso

2011-11-10T11:37:00.000-08:00

Poor guy, after realizing that his dream of a Thomas-free life was not coming to fruition when Thomas suddenly appeared again, he had to get on with his routine. I leave for work after Thomas does, so he had me to himself this morning.

He made the most of it! Eating some greens:

And wandering around on the floor, coming to find me. Here he is, about to leap off of the bottom of his cage door to the ground:

He is so stealth -- like a ninja! I turn around and he's inside his cage playing with a toy. Two seconds later, he's on top of his cage. Two seconds after that, he's at my feet, begging to get picked up. Maybe I'm exaggerating a bit on the length of time it takes him to move around, but it's quick. I never know where he's going to be next!

Reuinted

2011-11-10T11:12:00.000-08:00

Thomas was gone this past weekend and much of this past week at a conference for work. It was rough for me! The parrots were thrown off of their routine of having him home with them, so were a little extra cranky. Except for Calypso who was loving it and was a little cranky during Thomas's first day back!

You would have thought it was Rocky to have been the happiest at Thomas's return, but it was actually the greys. They couldn't get enough of him!

Vying for kisses:

I took yesterday off of work and the parrots were very happy to have the entire flock together again.

Food cart

2011-11-08T09:05:00.000-08:00

Speaking of caique explorers, our parrot food cart is right next to the living room stand where Beeps spends much of his time. Previously ignored, the food cart has become a new playground for Beeps. He spent quite a long time yesterday trying to eat pellets through the plastic containers.

Of course he had those same pellets in his cage, but I suppose it is more fun this way.

I don't know if yesterday's explorations were a one-off thing, or if this will now become part of his routine. I suppose only time will tell!

The wanderer

2011-11-08T09:01:00.000-08:00

Calypso has recently begun climbing down from his cage and wandering around. Usually he walks over to find me, but sometimes he just wanders around. He is a very quiet walker, so sometimes he'll be climbing up my pant leg before I even realize he's left his cage.

In a way, this makes me happy, as he's gaining the confidence to explore, but it means that we have to be extra careful to make sure he doesn't get stepped on or get into trouble.

Boxed in

2011-11-07T09:00:00.000-08:00

Over the weekend, I was reading a catalog while waiting for dinner to cook. First one grey, then the other, flew over to join me.

I know I should be happy that they want to spend so much time near me, but it can get to be a bit much at times. They aren't content to just perch there, they start demanding head pets, chewing up my magazine, or doing something else disruptive.

Brian chatter

2011-11-06T11:57:00.000-08:00

Brian had been chattering to my glasses (in the background) but, of course, once he saw the camera, he ran over to chatter to that instead. It's rather long -- almost a minute. I kept filming as I'd hoped he would say something intelligible. That didn't happen!

Grey togetherness

2011-11-03T11:21:00.000-07:00

The greys still do not physically interact at all, but I've recently realized that they are rarely more than a couple of feet away from each other. They basically ignore the rest of the birds, but are fascinated by what the other grey is doing. Stella seems to be the one who usually follows Max around, though it is occasionally the other way around.

Here they are, destroying the mail pile:

I think Max was looking for a little alone time, by perching on the seat of a chair that was pushed in to the table, but she discounted Stella's detective skills:

I thought perhaps they'd both sit on the chair, but Max took off as Stella arrived, and then Stella followed Max to the stand:

This morning, on my newly washed counter:

They've even taken to both being on the same stand. Before, this was Max's stand and Stella stayed on the green stand:

They are so interesting to watch. I wish I knew what they were thinking. Do they keep such close tabs on each other because they like each other (and, if so, why don't they allopreen?) Or do they not like each other and have to make sure that the other one doesn't get preferential treatment? Or am I ascribing human feelings to them and they're just doing it because of the flock mentality that's hard-wired in their brains?

What would happen if we introduced another grey to the flock? There is the sweetest timneh ever at the rescue right now. My curiosity will have to go unsatisfied in this area as we are in a really good place and don't have the room for another bird right now!

Slow motion stretching

2011-11-03T10:51:00.000-07:00

I'd been taking pictures of the greys this morning (which will be my next post) when Calypso started begging for my attention. This was odd, as he's usually not the biggest fan of getting his picture taken, but I went over there and captured elements of his ritualized stretching.

At the very beginning, he's about to lift his leg up:

Stretching one leg:

Then his wings:

Rubbing his beak on his perch:

Complete!

He'll usually do this with the other leg a few minutes later and repeat the entire process.

Guess what Rocky's doing today?

2011-11-02T11:13:00.000-07:00

As I've mentioned many times, Rocky loves shredding boxes. It keeps him busy and not screaming. The trouble was, even though Thomas and I run, and therefore change our running shoes on a frequent basis, that still only worked out to maybe 8 boxes a year for Rocky. Of course he'd get the occasional other box, but shoe boxes are his favorite.

I was mentioning this to a friend who is the manager of a running store, and she told me she could get me boxes as many customers don't want their when they buy shoes! What an exciting find!

Here's Rocky, enjoying one of those boxes this morning, before I left for work:

I suspect that it will be in shreds when I get home in an hour or so.

I really am trying to get a picture of him inside his box, but as he comes running out to threaten me when he senses my presence, this may prove difficult. Perhaps I can see if Thomas will be able to get the shot.

Parrot alarm clock

2011-10-31T08:47:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend, I had an idea for a product: the parrot alarm clock.

Let's say you set your alarm for 5 am. For the first 5 minutes or so, it could be very sweet noises -- light chirping, a sweet grey saying, "wanna get up? I love you!" Maybe some pleasant whistling.

If you don't turn the alarm off and get out of bed, it slowly escalates the parrot noises -- repetitive caique beeping, perhaps, or violent bell-ringing.

If you're not up by 5:10, it starts in on amazon alarm calls or macaw squawking.

5:15? The big guns are called in: cockatoo screaming.

Bath time!

2011-10-31T08:42:00.000-07:00

Since the floor was getting washed, we decided it would be a good time for the parrots to get clean as well! Max loves getting sprayed, though she dries quickly with a shake and rarely looks as wet as the other birds:

Like Calypso. He had to go and bath a little more in his water dish after I'd sprayed him, even though I'd completely drenched him:

Basil also joined in on the fun:

The rest of the parrots were uninterested, so we didn't force the issue.

In the kitchen

2011-10-31T08:38:00.000-07:00

I think one of the reasons Calypso loves being moved to the kitchen is he gets many more treats than he did in the living room. Just because he sees us with food, and since he's right there, we acquiesce. Here he is, eating some celery that he probably wouldn't have gotten if he were still in the living room:

Thomas was washing the living room floor, so he moved all of the parrots' cages out his way. This meant that Basil got to spend the afternoon in the kitchen. He really enjoyed it there as well. We'll definitely have to get an open concept floor plan in our next house! Basil, with celery:

Max had flown into the kitchen, as usual. I was making cookies, and from the start, she started dancing and saying "want some!" She would not be deterred, even when all I had was flour in the bowl. Yes, here is Max, eating flour! What is wrong with her? Who eats just flour?

Of course I removed her as soon as I took this picture.

Taking a drink of water

2011-10-28T10:17:00.000-07:00

Last night, I got home from work a bit later than usual, so Thomas had beaten me home. As soon as he heard me, Beeps flew into the kitchen. (He's at that stage of his hormonal period where he wants nothing more than to be on, or at least near, me at all times.)

However, Beeps got a bit distracted when he saw a mug of water on the table and decided he was thirsty. The mug was perfectly caique-sized, and it was so cute watching him drink out of it. However, before I could take a picture, Max flew over and bullied him away from the water.

I don't even think she was thirsty; she just wanted to prevent Beeps from doing what he wanted to do.

Happy ending for Beeps -- I picked him up and spent some one-on-one time with him, which he much prefers anyway.

Greys and greens

2011-10-28T10:10:00.000-07:00

I had some greens left over from making Andreas's food for the week. Max loves tearing into greens, so I'd set the bunch on the stand; she immediately went down there to destroy. I know I should have expected this, but Stella also climbed down and the two of them got to work:

Amazingly, this went on peacefully for probably 20 minutes or so.

Brian wants to come out of his cage

2011-10-27T09:00:00.000-07:00

When Brian's in his cage, he's usually on his boing, trying to make it swing more. Whenever we approach him, he leaps to the front of the cage, hoping to come out. Unfortunately, I was on my way to work, so he just got some verbal attention and foot rubs.

If you listen closely at the very end, he starts to whistle, but I turned the camera off too soon to hear much of it.

The potato eaters

2011-10-26T10:34:00.000-07:00

Nope, not the Van Gogh masterpiece, but a little bit of weirdness from the greys. Earlier this week, I had set some vegetables out on the counter so I could chop them up and throw into the slow cooker.

As soon as I left them unattended for a minute, the greys flew over to the counter and started creating havoc. That's what they do best, after all.

Parrots do not eat raw potatoes, so I thought, if anything, they'd go after the carrots. But I was wrong.

Of course, they are not eating any of the raw potato, just destroying it. Max had been doing more destroying when I first came upon them, but when I came closer to make this movie, she stopped and came over to me, hoping I'd pick her up.

In which Rocky talks like a robot

2011-10-26T10:30:00.000-07:00

Not sure what he's saying at all, but as Thomas was scratching his head yesterday, Rocky was talking like a robot.

Of course, at the beginning he has to come over to threaten me a bit (half-hearted attempt this time.) This ends up getting him a little too excited, so Thomas withdrew his hand as soon as Rocky started showing signs that he might regurgitate.

Brian explores a bit

2011-10-25T05:54:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend, we had Brian out on the table as we were eating. He was very intrigued by an ice pack that was on the table:

I happened to catch him in mid-stretch when he was readjusting his wings:

He'd probably be embarrassed if he saw the angle of this picture. Good thing he doesn't have Internet access!

Corn

2011-10-24T05:54:00.001-07:00

Max was a little scared at first by this giant ear of corn (it's just regular-sized, but we always cut it up into chunks for the parrots), but eventually she realized it was corn and tried it:

But she really prefers it this way:

Max wants to step up

2011-10-21T08:26:00.000-07:00

I guess I was in a video-taking mood earlier this week. I thought I'd post this since I usually show Max getting into trouble, when that's only a small portion of her personality!

She does say "hello" after I greet her -- it's just hard to hear since Rocky's throwing a fit about something in the background. It's also hard to hear her kisses, but she makes the sound the second time I ask her. The first time, she did one of her contact calls -- she whistles the first part and I respond. Sometimes I whistle the first part and she responds. Or I whistle the first part and then she whistles the first part (again!) and I respond.

As you can see, she really wanted to step up!

Rocky greets me

2011-10-21T08:00:00.000-07:00

Earlier this week, Thomas was working late, so I was home alone with the parrots. They'd already eaten dinner, as evidenced by the pieces of vegetable stuck to Rocky's beak. I was in the kitchen with a bunch of the parrots, but Rocky stayed in the living room.

I heard him saying "Hello" for a few minutes when I decided to grab my camera and make a video.

Normally we say "hello" back and forth; not sure if he was showing off for the camera or just hoping that by repeating the greeting, Thomas would arrive. In any case, I find his behavior once I say "hello" to him quite funny -- he turns his back on me and then says bye bye!

It's hard to hear him, but at the end is another thing we frequently do together -- we repeat "gimme a kiss" and then make kiss sounds. However, he almost whispers when he says this, so my voice is overpowering. You can see his beak move and you can hear his kisses (which always start out more like clicks -- the video was getting quite long so I stopped before he started sounding a bit more like kisses.)

Brian eats muffins

2011-10-20T08:21:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend I made sweet potato squash muffins, using a pumpkin muffin recipe, as I had three sweet potato squash from the farmers' market and wasn't sure what to do with them. They turned out really well, and were particularly a hit with Brian:

Unfortunately for him, all of the muffins have been eaten, so he's back to toast and apples for breakfast.

Pining

2011-10-20T07:50:00.000-07:00

Thomas has had to work a bit later than usual this month, and while it makes us all sad, Stella is probably the one who misses him the most. When he gets home at a normal, more reasonable time, she flies to the fridge when she hears the garage door open so she can be right there when he enters the back door. When he's (60-90 minutes) later than usual, she flies there frequently and makes sad sounds while staring at the door:

I tell her he's coming back soon and try to have fun without him, but she really wants him.

I took this picture about 5 minutes after he got home from work, just after he'd changed out of his work clothes (in case you were worried he wore a housecoat to the hospital -- nope!) Rocky had walked into the kitchen, so the two of them were standing at the patio door, watching the squirrels. Both greys missed him, so they flew over and then the four of them watched the squirrels:

Concetrated parrots

2011-10-20T07:45:00.000-07:00

All four of these guys have their own cages, in this room, but they frequently all hang out on the stand:

Of course Rocky had to threaten me:

Wood chips

2011-10-19T08:53:00.000-07:00

If I'd known how well Calypso would take to the kitchen, I would have moved him years ago. He's loving it! He's been warming up to Thomas a lot, which has been great to see.

This morning, he grabbed a wood slice out of his foraging bucket and started chipping it up. He usually doesn't photograph well, but I thought this picture turned out beautifully:

Clown loach disappearing act

2011-10-19T08:42:00.000-07:00

We have a very sneaky clown loach in our aquarium. She manages to completely disappear for hours at a time! We don't have that many hiding spaces, so I have no idea where she is. After several days of not being able to find her, I thought perhaps she'd died and been eaten by the other occupants of the tank, but yesterday when I got home from work, she was out and begging for food along with the other two:

This is reminiscent of our pleco, who would disappear for months at a time. Ultimately, I was able to discover her hiding place. Unfortunately, she died in August while we were on vacation. It was a shock as we should have had her for many years yet. We have not replaced her, opting for more frequent tank cleanings.

Rocky and boxes

2011-10-19T08:37:00.000-07:00

I was a few seconds too late to get the picture I wanted. I had given Rocky a box yesterday morning. The first thing he did was chew an entrance hole so he could easily go inside. When I first saw him, he was completely inside the box. I'd called his name and he stuck his head up through the far right side top. Adorable!

By the time I got the camera, he was leaving the box in order to threaten me by banging his toys against the side of his cage:

Max needs a break

2011-10-18T06:35:00.000-07:00

When we were bottling, the greys were in the kitchen. Of course they would occasionally start chasing each other around, usually instigated by Stella. Max must have gotten tired of this, as she went to sit on a chair that was pushed in to the table, giving her privacy:

She stayed down there for probably 30 minutes or so, until we left the kitchen and I took her with us into the living room.

Brian eats apples

2011-10-18T06:34:00.000-07:00

During breakfast, Brian runs around on the table, stopping occasionally to eat some of Thomas's toast or my cut-up apple.

Over the weekend, Thomas was eating a whole apple, and was resting his hand on the table, when Brian ran over and started helping himself:

It's shocking that I managed to get a picture before he ran over to pose for the camera.

Beeps and the fish

2011-10-17T09:27:00.000-07:00

Having moved Calypso into the kitchen, we needed to move one of the stands in order to have room for his cage. The stand is placed in front of our aquarium, across from Beeps's cage. Surprisingly, the parrots love having another stand in the living room, even though they have their cages as well.

Beeps particularly likes the stand. If he's on the end and stretches his body out, he can glimpse what's going on in the kitchen without having to fly in there. I'm not sure this will have a positive impact on his fitness level!

He also likes to watch the fish swimming around. I tried to get a picture of him watching the fish, but he turned to me as soon as he saw the camera (the camera is something that can trigger attacks.)

In this picture, it looks like the fish are ganging up on him to launch an attack!

Cage sharing

2011-10-17T09:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, we were doing some bottling in the kitchen. Our birds who live in the kitchen (Calypso and Brian) were there with us and so were the greys, who'd flown in as they like to be where we are. Basil was hanging out on his cage. Beeps was locked inside his cage as bottling is an activity that triggers him to attack us. Rocky was free to roam around the living room, which usually means he's ripping up phone books under his cage.

What this boils down to is light supervision of the parrots in the living room (Basil, Beeps, and Rocky.) By "light supervision" I mean that we listen closely for any sign of trouble (Rocky and Basil are notorious tattle-tales; we also listen for any flight) and I go in to check on everyone approximately every 3 minutes. I must also add that Rocky and Beeps get along and ignore Basil. I would never trust light supervision with Brian (due to size difference) or for any birds who have shown any problems with each other in the past (Max-Beeps, Calypso-Beeps, Max-Rocky, Calypso-Basil...)

On one of my three-minute checks, this is what I found:

Yes, that's right. They were both in Beeps's cage!!! Rocky will frequently spring Beeps from his cage by opening up one of the food doors. However, yesterday, unlike previous times, Beeps decided to stay inside the cage with Rocky! They were both happily playing with Beeps's toys!

This is not acceptable. Even though they get along, I didn't want to run the risk of something happening in a confined space where it would be difficult to easily escape, as only the food door was open. We opened the main door, as well as the nest box door, to provide options. I stayed there until the cage no longer had two occupants.

Beeps immediately climbed on the nest box door; I wasn't fast enough to get a picture of him perching on it, as Rocky decided to exit as well, prompting Beeps to take flight:

Rocky on the nest box door; of course he had to come out to threaten me a bit, but then he went back inside Beeps's cage. We decided to let Beeps stay out, as long as he didn't come into the kitchen to attack us. He didn't; preferring to go inside Max's cage and play with her toys (Max was in the kitchen with us and does not know about her intruder.)

Back inside:

Every time I'd go in to check on them, he'd threaten me a bit through the door, but then retreat back to the inside of Beeps's cage once I'd left.

About a minute after one of my checks, Rocky started screaming. Even though three doors were open (regular door, nest box door, food door), he was upset that he was inside the cage! Due to our policy of parrot personal responsibility, I told him it was his duty to improve his situation.

With an audience, this is the first way he chose to approach his problem:

As soon as I returned to the kitchen, he got himself out of the cage and then walked in to the kitchen. I suspect he wanted to show me that he knew how to get out all along.

Night fright club

2011-10-14T11:50:00.000-07:00

On Fridays, we don't run, so we sleep in a bit later than usual and then have a more peaceful morning. This morning, Thomas got up at 5:30 and I was still in bed. About 10 minutes later, I hear one of the parrots thrashing about their cage. It was Max, having a night fright. Thomas went over to make sure she was OK, and then I heard him say something like, "I guess you can come out since you're up anyway." The parrots are supposed to sleep until 7 so they get 12 hours of sleep.

Guess what happened next?

That's right -- Stella had a "night fright." And yes, I am putting that in quotes as I suspect it was faked as she saw that it worked for Max. Thomas thought the same, as I hear him say to her, "I probably shouldn't reward you for this, but if you want to come out so badly..."

I told him this better not have started a trend as they could injure themselves by having "night frights" frequently. Yet again, these greys are too smart for their own good.

Alarm

2011-10-14T09:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning, something alarmed Calypso. I have absolutely no idea what. He appeared to mostly be looking outside, but I could see no movement, and I don't think he'd be able to see hawks or anything like that, given the density of the trees in our backyard.

In any case, he did this for about 20 minutes and then all was well with the world again.

Warning: the audio on this video is irritating!

...and so does Rocky

2011-10-13T10:08:00.000-07:00

Right after Brian took his bath, Thomas went into the bathroom to shower. I grabbed Rocky and was bringing him in to shower with Thomas, but was met with a surprise: Brian had flown off of the kitchen table and found Thomas in the bathroom. I guess he didn't want to be left alone! So we exchanged parrots -- I took Brian and Thomas took Rocky. I think I got the better deal there!

It was pretty steamy in there today:

He started clicking, and then "singing and dancing" with no provocation. He loves the shower!

Brian bathes

2011-10-13T10:04:00.000-07:00

I had made a much better video of this, but apparently I hadn't pressed "record." Argh! As Thomas was drinking this morning, Brian kept trying to fly into his glass, a clear signal Brian wanted to take a bath!

Right before this, in the video I didn't actually take, he'd jumped all the way inside and splashed around a bit before exiting again.

A still shot, mid-bath:

After; my wet budgie:

We've tried other bathing methods, but this is what he prefers. I have no idea why -- since he'd never been let out of his cage at his previous home, it's not like this is what he was used to.

Calypso forages

2011-10-11T08:24:00.000-07:00

Being in the kitchen means Calypso is getting on the blog more frequently! This morning, I looked over and he was standing on his foraging bucket, throwing out his foot toys and toy parts. After he was done, I put everything back in and I'm sure he'll empty it again soon.

Kitchen birds

2011-10-10T12:03:00.000-07:00

Calypso may have permanently become a kitchen bird. We moved him in a month or so ago because his hormones were out of control. We thought perhaps a change of scenery and removal from the presence of Beeps and Basil (the two parrots he'd try to attack) would do him some good -- and it did!

We tried bringing him back in the living room over the weekend. Within minutes, he tried to attack Beeps; thwarted, he turned his attention to Basil (thwarted again.) Needless to say, he immediately went back into the kitchen!

I think he likes getting more one-on-one attention in the kitchen, especially in the morning before we get the other birds up. He's even starting to bond with Thomas a bit more, which has been great to see. This could have something to do with receiving a near-daily piece of toast from him:

Brian continues to get his toast in the following way:

He mostly just rips tiny pieces of toast off (you can see the crumbs on the plate under his beak) rather than eat much. It's a giant toast toy.

In other Brian news, he talks a lot when he's on my shoulder, but much of it is unintelligible budgie chatter. So, it may go like this: "chatter chatter chatter gotta go chatter chatter shot and a beer chatter." Or, "chatter get me a beer *whistle whistle whistle* chatter chatter do ya wanna." With me understanding less than half of the words he says (and with much of what he says tantalizingly incomplete -- where do you gotta go? Do I wanna what?) This weekend, for the first time, included in that chatter, he said his name, but with a bit of an impediment -- he said "Bwian." Can he get any cuter? (I am trying to get this on video, but he really only talks when he's on our shoulders, and when he sees the camera, he quiets down and gazes into the lens.) Maybe someday I will be successful!

A bit of Rocky

2011-10-10T11:32:00.000-07:00

Rocky, who screams when he's locked inside his own cage, again willingly went into someone else's cage to play with toys:

He then came out and started throwing all of the foot toys and toy parts out of Calypso's foraging bucket:

He's gone back to doing one of my favorite things: hanging out underneath his cage. This is nesting behavior. This year, in a twist, he knocked a phone book off of the top of his cage and dragged it under so he can shred it.

Last night, Thomas was trying to get Rocky to come out as it was time to go to bed, but Rocky stayed under the cage, singing and talking. We think he was trying to entice Thomas into his nest, but as it's barely big enough for a severe macaw to enter, a human certainly wouldn't fit.

Thomas was prone on the floor, asking Rocky to come out. Of course, when I came over to take a picture, Rocky emerged to threaten me:

After he was in his cage, we had more sweeping to do.

Foraging for air

2011-10-07T09:00:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I'd found an old foraging tower that Max used to use many years ago. I don't think I've even had it out in the 3+ years Stella's been with us. It was on the table, and there was a cashew in it, which (with my help), Max managed to dispense this morning.

Then, even though I hadn't replaced the cashew, which Max should have known since the toy is see-through, she started playing with the levers, hoping a nut might materialize. Of course this brought Stella over, and for quite some time, both of them were banging on different sides of the tower.

I didn't get a good picture of both of them working on it at the same time, but it was funny to watch. I don't think Stella had any idea why she was doing that, but I suspect Max was hoping for a cashew.

Maybe this weekend I'll put another nut in and see if they can figure it out.

Some recent questions

2011-10-07T08:49:00.000-07:00

I had a few questions in the recent comments that I thought I might just address here instead of in the comments since it took me some time to finally get around to them!

phonelady asked: do greys just naturally get into everything ? sure sounds like they do from your gang

Of course I can't answer this for all greys since every parrot is an individual, but I do think that greys have the tendency to be very curious and intelligent and therefore get into everything, including trouble! I must also add that when Max was a single grey, she did not get into nearly as much as she has since Stella arrived. Because they are flock animals, I believe that the presence of another grey motivates them to explore. I also believe that a big part of the reason why Stella transformed so quickly into a happy bird after her mutilation is the presence of Max -- even though they don't physically interact, I think that Max was a good role model for Stella.

Additionally, we encourage our parrots to explore and make their own choices as much as possible. That, combined with the fact that they can fly, may make them more likely to get into things than an average grey who is clipped and may only come out of his cage a few times a month. The fact that they frequently find food only reinforces this!

D. Richard asked: What if I may ask is the status of , Basil, Thought he would be home by now or do I not remember the proper dates ?

Officially, Basil is still just a foster bird. He is willed to us, so we were expecting to have him full-time at some point, though we thought it would be decades yet until this happened. Originally, he was just supposed to stay with us for a month or two, but it's not been nearly 10 months. His owners aren't ready yet to officially sign him over to us, though I suspect that will happen soon.

Luckily, he is quite possibly the lowest-maintenance parrot I have ever met. That's part of the reason I write about him so infrequently -- he's not doing many exciting things! He has integrated well into our house, has learned our routines, and I think he's pretty happy. I'd like to eventually get him playing with toys more frequently and stepping up nicely, but we have lots of time to work on that.

I do have a bit of guilt about keeping him, though if he is surrendered to us, he'll stay. He took the last open spot in our house, which I'd been planning on using to foster birds for the rescue and adopt them out, like with Steve. There's actually a (mutilating, seizure-prone so on meds twice a day, blind) grey at the rescue that I'd be fostering right now if it weren't for Basil. It doesn't sit well with me that such an easy, low-maintenance bird is taking the place of someone who needs us more, but that's the way things are.

D Richard continues: I am no spring chicken myself and I am a little worried about what to do with my flock in any event . I was wondering after you sent a review of RIO . what do you think of my leaving money to have my flock released in their respective lands at least for the conures and lovebirds . Australia does not want the cockatiels back and the same with the quaker, Both considered agricultural pests . But do you have any thoughts ? I don't have family or friends that would want them , Any of them

I am not aware of any programs that return former pets to the wild, but frankly, I'd be very hesitant to go this route. While I do wish that all parrots could be wild and that we'd never brought them into our homes, I don't believe that those who've lived so long in captivity would possess the skills to survive and thrive in their native land. I've read a bit about the work done by the Ara Project in breeding macaws to release in the wild, and spoke with a biologist doing that work in Costa Rica. It's a lot of work to make sure that the bird is ready to live in the wild and won't just walk up to a human (to be recaptured) as that's what they know. I've also read about work done by captive breeding programs by the International Crane Foundation (for cranes, obviously!) and was involved in helping to raise orphan baby wildlife when I volunteered at a wildlife rescue center, and I know they try very strongly to make sure that the animals will not associate humans with food.

That being said, if you can't find any individuals who will take your birds when you're no longer around, I think the best thing to do is connect with a parrot rescue to make plans. This includes leaving money for them to be taken care of, possibly by means of an insurance policy. This should help ensure that the facility will be able to take your birds when it's time (many rescues are currently full with long waiting lists for surrenders and this problem will only get worse every year.) The good thing in your case is that your birds are smaller, so it should be easier to find someone to take them, even if it means they are split up. It's very difficult to find a good home for a cockatoo or macaw. I wish I had a better answer for you.

More neti pot fun

2011-10-06T07:11:00.000-07:00

Stella is obsessed with Thomas and with the neti pot, so the combination of the two is irresistible for her. This was the scene this morning; yes, she is perching on his ear:

Pay attention to me!

2011-10-04T08:49:00.000-07:00

Ran a marathon over the weekend, which meant that the afternoon was spent relaxing and eating. Thomas was in the living room watching football. I had been there as well, but then decided to go into the kitchen to listen to playoff baseball and catch up on the paper.

Of course, Max had to follow me in. I think she was a little miffed that I wasn't paying attention to her, as she started doing cute things to make me notice her:

Then, she flew to the table, found a receipt, and started shredding it:

She wasn't interested in this pecan when I'd offered it to her a few days earlier, but when she found it on Brian's cage, then it was interesting:

I brought Calypso from his cage (which is still in the kitchen) to the table so he could roam around. He decided to perch on my glass:

And then beg for me to pick him up:

So, not much roaming. Mostly trying to figure out how to get me to pick him up.

Rocky was torn -- stay behind with his preferred person, or keep an eye on his nemesis (me)? Several times, I caught him on the threshold of the hallway, trying to peek in on me. You'd think he just would have enjoyed some alone time with Thomas.

More paper shredding from Max:

The afternoon turned out not to be as relaxing as I'd hoped.

Grey doings

2011-10-03T08:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, the greys were at it again. They just love to egg each other on. Max was on the counter, so Stella had to fly to the counter. Then, Max noticed one of Stella's favorite things -- the neti pot. Stella likes to fling this to the ground, then fly after it and attack it a bit.

I'm sure Max would have shown no interest in the neti pot, but she knew it would bother Stella, so she went straight there. This had its intended effect, as Stella ran over:

Claiming victory, after Max vacated the area. Note that Stella didn't want to play with it, she just wanted to make sure Max couldn't.

This morning, Max was obsessed with the garbage -- despite repeated removals, she kept flying right back there. She couldn't even forage in the garbage since I'd taken it out yesterday, so nothing was in her reach. She was therefore stuck chewing on the outside bag. Just to be clear, she is not allowed to play in/near the garbage, but she had a one-track mind this morning.

Apparently, this proved endlessly fascinating to Stella. Perhaps surprisingly, once Max was removed, Stella did not fly there herself.

Living with the enemy

2011-10-02T12:44:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about writing a post like this for quite a while, ever since I realized how many people were finding my blog by doing searches on phrases like "I hate my macaw." This just breaks my heart, and I hope that those who would bother doing such searches are looking for ways to improve their relationship with their parrot. Maybe this post can help. There are no easy answers or quick fixes, but with the dedication of all of the humans in the house, I truly believe that an solution that is amenable to everyone can be found.

As anyone who's read more than a few entries of this blog knows, I live with a severe macaw who prefers my husband and wishes he could drive me out of the house so the two of them could live happily ever after. I know my husband won't leave me for a macaw, so Rocky and I needed to figure out a way to live in harmony. This duty would fall mainly on me since I am the human. And, much as I wish it were otherwise, you can't really reason with a macaw.

Over the years, we've worked out a system that works incredibly well. The steps I took are ones that can be helpful in solving most parrot behavior issues. These are not necessarily in order, or even in order of importance. But I do believe they are all important, and if I try to craft a perfect entry, this will never get posted.

1. Changing my attitude. As I've written before, since I had a fair amount of parrot experience before adopting Rocky, I felt confident that I'd be able to win him over and make him equally tame to both of us. As it became clearer that Rocky was an extreme one-person bird intent on driving me out of the flock, I began to despair. None of my tricks were working! He'd rather bite my hand than take his favorite food from me, even if he was hungry!

It made me question my fitness as a parrot-owner, and it made me start to have negative feelings toward him. Ultimately, I realized this isn't fair to Rocky. He is a wild animal and shouldn't be in captivity. In the wild, he'd need those skills to drive off competitors for his partner's affection. It wasn't anything personal, and parrots aren't good judges of character.

Additionally, I realized that parrots are experts at picking up on our body language. If I didn't like him, he'd know, and that would just feed into our disagreements. I'd decided to bring him into my house, and it was my responsibility to give him the best life I could. Plus, there's a good chance that he could be with us for much of the rest of our lives. Since we were committed to him, I could live out those years angry about the way he treated me, or I could get over it. I chose the latter.

That's not to say there aren't days when I want to strangle him and wonder what I was thinking back in 2006 when we brought him home. But, overall, changing my attitude and looking at that quirky little guy with a mixture of bemusement and love has really improved things.

2. Adjusting my expectations. As I've mentioned before, I was so confident that I'd win him over and that he'd be tame to both of us. After all, Max had, at one point, started to prefer me, but we worked through that and now she liked us both. Surely the same thing would happen with Rocky!

Except, that didn't happen. He, like many severe macaws, is an extreme one-person bird, completely immune to my charms. I realized that Thomas and I would never have the same relationship with Rocky. And that would be OK. Over the years, I've forged my own relationship with him. It's hard to explain, but, in some way, he considers me part of his flock. He'll scream if I leave the room as he wants us to be together for dinner. He'll sing to and dance with me. He likes to be near me when Thomas is gone.

I must add that most birds are not as extreme one-person as Rocky is. But, just as we humans have different relationships with different people (I have a far different reaction if my husband, or a stranger, or someone I don't like tries to hug me!), it's only natural the same might apply to parrots.

3. Being observant. Most parrots are very demonstrative with their body language. I've found this to be particularly true with the new-world species: macaws, amazons, caiques, etc. For me, the greys and cockatoos are a bit harder to read, but their body language can be learned through careful study and experience.

Quite frankly, if Rocky bites someone, it's pretty much their fault for ignoring his warning signs and pushing past his comfort zone. Note: this does not apply if he were to leap at someone. I mean, how much clearer could he be?

I really want to bite you! Look how big and scary I am!!!

I really recommend that people who have parrots with aggression issues should keep a journal (or blog!) of their experiences, which can help make patterns show more clearly. Then, you can use that knowledge to arrange the environment for success (see below.) Armed with a journal, you can notice patterns. Or, if you have a good memory, you may not need a journal. For example, Rocky will even bite Thomas if Thomas wears certain clothes, tries to pick him up in the hallway, or if Rocky's just in a bad mood and giving off warnings.

4. Arranging the environment for success. Although I am a proponent of flight for captive parrots, this is not always possible. Rocky is allowed to fly now, but he's been clipped in the past for jumping me. Armed with your observations (see above), you can begin figuring out ways to arrange the environment for success.

I will give some examples of what we've done in our house. Since Rocky tends to stalk and attack my feet unless I have a stick in my hand (he steps up on the stick, averting an attack, I don't beat him with it!) he's not allowed out of his cage when I change foods and waters as my hands and mind are otherwise occupied.

Speaking of sticks, that's another example. I needed to have a way to move Rocky around and to thwart an attack. We stick trained him and I always keep a stick near me. If he's coming to attack, I just have him step up, which diffuses the situation.

Rocky has been known to jump me, but only when my back is turned. He's a bit cowardly, but I'm grateful for that fact, as that just means I need to look at him to avert an attack. This may involve walking backwards out of a room.

If I sit on the couch normally and he's out, there's a good chance he'll come over to attack my feet. Solution? I bring my legs and feet on the couch to safety.

I could come up with many more examples, but I think this might be getting old. Basically, it is far easier for me to change (e.g. sit with my legs on the couch) than to change Rocky (e.g. train him not to attack my feet on the ground.) He didn't ask to live with us (well, me at least -- he did instantly bond to Thomas at the rescue, but he had no idea what was in store for him by making THAT choice!) so at least I can meet him part way.

5. Being safe. This encompasses many of the above comments. When you live with a biter, the last thing you want to do is give him opportunities to practice biting. As with anything, practice makes perfect! I recommend figuring out ways to prevent attacks rather than reacting to them. Watch body language, stick train, know where the bird is at all times so he can't launch a sneak attack, make sure all people in the home know the rules.

Speaking of that, at the rescue, I am amazed at the number of people who use one-person parrots as a weapon. The bird only likes one person, and that favored person uses the parrot to settle scores with the unfavored person. Ultimately, the bird loses.

But it doesn't have to be so nefarious on the part of the other person to have the same result. Thomas and I now have a rule that if he's letting Rocky out, he's got to tell me. I remember writing about this when it happened, but a few years back, I assumed that Rocky was in his cage as that's the last place I'd seen him and Thomas was getting ready for work, so I didn't think he'd let him out. I was drying my hair in the bathroom with the door open. Result: I couldn't hear the tell-tale "click click" of his talons as he traversed the floor looking for his prey (i.e. me.) I first knew he was there as I simultaneously heard a scream of victory and felt his beak on my toes. Luckily I have very fast reaction times, so no serious damage was done.

6. Developing our own routines/fun. This is very important, and goes along with adjusting expectations. I can't do most of the things that Rocky and Thomas do together. Things that involve physical touch. I can, however, do things with him that don't involve the possibility of getting bit.

For example, I put on his favorite music and we sing and dance. We play fetch where I throw a toy for him and he brings it back to me. We exchange fake coughs. Every night, we spend several minutes repeating "Gimme a kiss! *kiss kiss kiss*" to each other. He sticks his foot through the cage and I touch his feet. Granted, he then fake bites his leg as he quickly brings it back in the cage and gives me an evil look, probably disappointed that my finger didn't go through the cage for a bite.

Over the years, we've developed dozens of routines and games that reinforce our bond, however different that bond is from the one he shares with Thomas, and however different from the bond I thought I'd share with him when we brought him home.

7. Get away, when necessary. Meg mentioned this, and it's important. Anecdotally, parrots tend to do best with around 12 hours of sleep. This appears to be less important with greys, but more important with the new world species and cockatoos. Our birds are on a 7 pm - 7 am sleep schedule, which means that Thomas and I get a couple of hours every night to ourselves. (We are ridiculous and go to bed at 9 as we wake at 5 every morning and need 8 hours of sleep!)

When we are home on the weekends for the entire day, the parrots, especially Rocky, tend to go into overload. They are used to us being gone during the week, so a full day of us is a little too much for them to handle. When it gets to that point, we put everyone in their cages and leave for a break. This helps keep everyone happy.

When you're living with a difficult parrot, knowing that you will/can have a break can make all of the difference, which can help the time you spend together less stressful and even pleasant.

If anyone has any other suggestions of things that you've done to win over/happily live with a difficult parrot, I'd love to hear them, and it may be able to help someone else in a similar situation.

I think someone needs anger management classes

2011-09-30T04:46:00.000-07:00

Video explanation/description: I had bought a new toy yesterday, so Thomas thought he'd see if Rocky liked it. Rocky did, but played roughly with that toy. Then he threw all of the toys in his reach to the ground.

Together

2011-09-28T12:09:00.000-07:00

I was just speaking with a friend at lunch about the strange flock dynamic my greys have. I still don't have their relationship figured out. Sometimes it seems as though they want to be friendly, but then one will buzz the other. Regardless of their intent, they are very aware of where the other grey is and what she is doing.

Taking turns keeping an eye on each other:

Later, one of them went to the floor, so the other followed:

Creeping around

2011-09-28T12:04:00.000-07:00

When Rocky comes into the kitchen from the living room, he always sticks to the edge of the hallway:

My guess is that this is instinct, being a prey animal and all.

Recently, he walked in and I was sitting in a kitchen chair. He decided to climb up that chair and then threaten me:

I told him he was acting more like a predator, but he didn't care.

Listening in

2011-09-27T08:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I had two volunteer meetings after work, which meant I didn't get home until after the parrots were in bed. I had called Thomas after the first meeting to check in, and he put me on speakerphone. Apparently two of the parrots got really interested upon hearing my voice and made their way to the phone.

One started whistling at the phone and the other was giving it kisses. He asked me if I could figure out who the two interested parties were, but I only guessed one correctly.

It was Brian and Rocky (I had guessed Max and Rocky.)

I find it so odd that Rocky is so obsessed with me, considering that I am his nemesis. He also will frequently ask me for kisses, and reciprocate with a kiss sound (I would never put my face anywhere near his beak.) Perhaps he is trying to lull me into a false sense of security, but I don't fall for it!

Rocky forages, too

2011-09-26T09:36:00.000-07:00

Most of my foraging-for-people-food posts tend to involve one or (usually) both greys. But they're not the only ones who do it.

Over the weekend, I had brought my burrito in to the living room and set it on the air purifier. I then had to leave the room to get something else (probably little Brian).

This is what I returned to find:

Rocky, eating at the cheese buffet. Of course, not particularly healthy (he wasn't eating the eggplant, only the cheese!) so he was removed once I took this picture.

New feathers

2011-09-26T09:33:00.000-07:00

Stella's got some new tail feathers growing in. I find it fascinating to watch them grow in; she's been carefully preening away the feather sheaths every day. Pretty soon, the new feathers will be indistinguishable from the old ones.

Hungry Calypso

2011-09-23T09:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I was unexpectedly home for lunch. I decided to use this as a little one-on-one time with Calypso. He doesn't really like Thomas, so when I am the only human in the house, I try to accommodate Calypso by giving him some extra attention.

Of course, he ate this up. Just as Rocky wishes that I would leave Thomas so he could have him to himself, Calypso wishes that I were the only human he lived with. Actually, I'm pretty sure he wishes it were just the two of us and that there weren't any other parrots around, either!

In any case, he started to try to eat seeds that were in a container on the table:

Isn't he gorgeous? When we first got him, his wings and tail were entirely green; as he's aged, more yellow and orange have crept in. He also has a few orange feathers that have started to grow in his black cap.

When that proved fruitless, he climbed up on me and tried to eat food that I was trying to feed myself. I would have loved to get some pictures of that! He is pretty determined.

He's still extremely hormonal, so he remains in the kitchen. It's very hard to strike a balance between giving him a proper amount of attention and getting him too worked up.

Butternut squash

2011-09-23T09:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning, I was cubing up butternut squash in order to make a slow-cooker dinner. Max kept dancing and saying "want some!" I explained that she didn't want to eat raw squash, but she insisted. Finally, I gave in, and she did eat a few bites.

I guess she knows better than me what she wants, but I'm still not eating this raw.

JellyBean needs a home

2011-09-22T09:00:00.000-07:00

Last month, I was contacted by a wonderful woman, Anna, who runs a parrot rescue in New Mexico. She had contacted me because she'd been googling around about severe macaws and ran across my blog, where Rocky is, of course, featured prominently. She asked me if I might be interested in possibly adopting a severe macaw that sounded a lot like Rocky, with the main difference being that he prefers women and will do everything he can to attack men.

As much as I've fallen for this little guy after e-mailing with Anna, and especially after seeing pictures and a video of him, we are at capacity in our house and just can't take anyone else in. However, I suggested that I could highlight JellyBean on my blog, since presumably people who are interested in severe macaws might find out about him. And after the amazing experience of placing Steve in the perfect home, I thought it was worth a try.

So, meet JellyBean:

JellyBean is approximately 19 years old (the same age Rocky was when we adopted him.) He lived with one family for most of this time, but it was not happy for JellyBean. It's always difficult to get accurate information out of people when they don't want to admit how poorly they were treating their animals, but we were told that he was kept in a basement, with very little human interaction toward the end of his tenure there. The little human interaction he did have involved people throwing things at his cage, or pulling him out of his cage by his tail.

One of my posts that Anna found was this one, and she agrees that it accurately describes JellyBean. I am very confident that in the right, understanding, home, he will thrive; the trick is finding that home for such a challenging parrot. (Anna also mentioned to me that she knows of a 40 year old severe macaw that was tame to both her and her husband. Since Rocky is only 24, dare I hope we could achieve this in the next 16 years?)

Here is a short youtube video of JellyBean:

As I've written before, many people inadvertently teach their parrots to bite. They do this by ignoring the bird's body language, so finally, for the bird to get his point across, he bites. Pretty soon, he stops giving off the warning signs and resorts immediately to biting. After all, if warnings didn't work, why bother with them? It seems like this happened with JellyBean. He was definitely a "bite first" kind of guy. Anna has been working with him and he's learning to use other methods to express himself; however, his new home will have to be very careful watching his body language.

JellyBean currently lives in New Mexico, though Anna would be willing to have him move to a different part of the country for the right home. These are details that would need to be worked out with her. If you are interested in learning more about JellyBean, please e-mail me and I will forward your e-mail on to Anna.

As you can see, he's come a long way under Anna's care. However, she runs a rescue, not a sanctuary, so he needs to find a home in order to open up room for other parrots.

Garlic adventures

2011-09-21T08:37:00.000-07:00

Max was roaming around the kitchen table yesterday when she noticed some garlic that was on the counter, yet within her reach from the table. She was so excited and quickly grabbed some to destroy:

I'm not sure if she got tired of me taking pictures of her with the garlic, she wanted to show-off, or if it was due to a different reason entirely, but she decided to place the head in our change container. Notice the other parrot beads that she has placed there recently. One of the hazards of a parrot that knows the retrieve trick! Of course, she has done stuff like this before.

But she wasn't done. As soon as I put the camera away, she ran over, grabbed the garlic, and ran as quickly as she could with it in her beak, jumping on to the back of the chair, where she continued to destroy the garlic.

She just fascinates me.

Blog placeholder: Brian

2011-09-20T09:42:00.000-07:00

I have been extremely busy with volunteer obligations over the past week or so. Luckily, much of this work will be completed during the next 10 days, and then I can return to my regularly-scheduled life! What this means is that, though we are still spending time with the parrots, I have been too mentally (and occasionally physically) exhausted to take many pictures of them.

This morning, I realized that I would go two business days in a row without an entry if I didn't post one for today, so I grabbed the camera and relied on my old stand-by: Brian.

As you can see, he is as happy as ever, and coming up on our 9 month anniversary (!) together.

If it's even possible, we've been seeing more of his personality come out as his flight skills have improved. Sometimes he'll do a few laps around the kitchen before he decides where he wants to land. Or he'll hover above a certain spot before deciding to touch down. Of course it always puts a smile on our faces when he chooses to fly to one of our shoulders.

Earlier in the blog, I have briefly mentioned a tumor budgie we had, Ethel. She was fabulous, just like Brian, but this was before the blog, and before we had a digital camera, so I didn't have many stories/pictures to share about her.

It always made me sad that I couldn't share her with everyone, as there is a common misconception that budgies are starter birds with little personality, and that has been so far from the truth in my experience. I am so happy that little Brian is here, helping to chip away at budgie stereotypes.

Basil plays with a toy!

2011-09-16T13:15:00.000-07:00

To say that Basil doesn't really play with toys is an understatement. I have tried so many different ones, but he has little interest. However, he might be picking up on play a bit as we saw him playing with a ball on top of his cage!

Thomas called me into the room saying "Bring your camera, you won't believe what you see!" and he was right.

I'm not giving up, before long I hope I have a toy-destroyer on my hands. Small progress.

Poor Calypso

2011-09-16T12:53:00.000-07:00

Poor Calypso; once again, his hormones have overtaken him. He has jumped Beeps a few times, and earlier this week, he jumped Basil, who weighs about three times as much as Calypso! Luckily we were right there to break things up before any damage occurred.

We've temporarily moved his cage into the kitchen so that he doesn't have to constantly see Beeps and Basil. This seems to be helping, though Thomas noted that Calypso might put on some weight in here as he insists on getting a bite of everything we prepare.

As always, we're hoping hormonal season passes quickly. All he wants to do is be on me and fight the other parrots. It's hard to strike the balance -- he needs attention, but I don't want to get him too worked up, either.

Brian, ad nasueum

2011-09-16T12:35:00.000-07:00

This risks to turn into a Brian blog, but it really can't be helped much as he has captured my heart!

He's been improving his flight skills by leaps and bounds, which is generally a good thing. After a run, Thomas was making breakfast, and Brian had been waiting on the table, waiting for his toast. Until he decided he'd rather be elsewhere:

Back to the table, he started begging for attention again:

This is one of his favorite things to do -- he loves being beak to nose with Thomas and with me:

Of course, it's pretty impossible to read the paper this way!

Stella and outside birds

2011-09-15T08:43:00.000-07:00

Stella flew to the island so she could perch on the container where we keep the cookies. I suspect she was hoping I'd cave and give her some, but that didn't happen.

As a bonus, though she turned to look at me here, she was watching the outside birds at the birdbath (you can see a grackle in the background) and she'd occasionally shriek and scare them all away. I think it was a game to her.

I don't think I'll ever match the record set earlier this month, but here are 8 birds on at the same time. As far as I can tell, mostly sparrows (I think American Tree Sparrows) and one lonely American Goldfinch.

Clean-up

2011-09-15T08:39:00.000-07:00

One of Thomas's beers had a bit of an explosion in the primary fermenter. It wasn't a huge deal, but just provided him with a bit of a mess to clean up before work, and now our house smells a bit hoppy.

Of course, the greys had to walk in to see what was going on. They are very nosy.

Max must have gotten a little too close to the action, as evidenced here:

Of course, as soon as she landed, she was right in Thomas's business again. He said he could have cleaned up more quickly without them, but I reminded him it wouldn't have been as fun.