First, let me thank you all for your concern and well wishes. I am so lucky to have a wonderful support system in real life and online, as well as an amazing family. Everyone has reacted in ways I never expected. They say you don't know who your true friends are until you face adversity. I think usually that means that people fail to live up to your expectations, but in my case, I've been overwhelmed with how helpful and supportive everyone has been. I have far more friends than I realized, and it's been very helpful while dealing with this situation I found myself in.
Things are going OK -- life must go on. I am trying to get things figured out. We've had discussions about splitting up our property, which has been heart-wrenching. He's, at least temporarily, out of the house, which makes things easier for me to try to heal. I'm going to take some boxes of stuff to my parents' this weekend for storage.
I've tried to be proactive. Yesterday I had a counseling appointment and the psychologist said I was strong and doing amazingly well. Maybe they tell that to everyone, but it was good to hear. I meet her again in about five weeks to discuss how I've been doing. She gave me a list of things to think about, which has been helpful. I've spoken with a divorce attorney, which definitely made things seem real. I see the doctor in January for STD testing. I have an appointment with a recruiter set up for next month so I can find a job since mine ends in March. Making tangible progress has been helpful and makes me feel more in control of the situation.
The parrots know things aren't right. They miss Thomas terribly. It's been particularly hard on Rocky. He spends most of his time screaming, which adds to my stress level. I think I may board him at the rescue while I try to find him a home as he's so unhappy it's affecting me and the rest of the parrots. Stella and Basil are set to go to their new homes in early January, after the holidays.
Physically, I've lost 8 pounds so far -- pounds I didn't have to lose. I am trying to eat enough, but the stress is still working its magic. I only have one pair of pants that fit me; I'd accidentally bought a size too small online and never got around to returning them. Everything else falls right off. I guess this means I get to eat extra Christmas cookies this weekend. And maybe an extra glass of wine :) But then I don't know what size suit to buy for interviewing. A small concern in the grand scheme of things, but troubling nevertheless.
My psychologist said to continue to exercise, so I've been doing that. It feels great, so I've been doing a little extra -- 10 miles this morning. I need to keep tabs on that to make sure it doesn't get out of control. I've checked out a bunch of self-help books from the library and will be reading them to try to make sense of things and to become a stronger person.
I am just very sad. I know this isn't the man that I married; there's no way he could have fooled me as to his true personality for 13 years. He got swept up in something, made some incredibly bad decisions, and now we're all paying the price.