Friday, January 6, 2012

Another update

I can't believe that so much time has passed since my last update.  I think that had I been updating about the divorce on a near real-time basis, it may have come across as if I were the crazy one.  Thomas kept changing his mind from one day to the next about whether he wanted to try to work things out with me or stay with his mistress, and I didn't really know what I wanted either.

Since he knows about the blog, I think it's probably best if I don't go into too many details here until after the divorce is final, if at all.  Suffice it to say that earlier this week I took the decision out of his hands and told him that I was done.  I am no one's second choice, and after some of his actions earlier this week, I realized that I could never trust him again.

My biggest concern is with my animals.  When we adopted each one, I really thought that they were in their forever home.  It breaks my heart that Thomas's selfishness will make that not happen.  Worse, he's the one who wanted to make most of the adoptions permanent instead of the fosters they were originally supposed to be, and then he leaves me with the mess to clean up.  Currently, all of the animals are still at home, but that won't be true 24 hours from now.

Stella's new family comes to pick her up tomorrow afternoon.  It's a great home, and I know she'll be very happy there.  I'll get frequent updates, and she'll be living with another CAG and a severe macaw.  I'll be sad to lose her, but I don't worry about her at all.

Basil will be going back to his owners sometime this month.  We are trying to finalize schedules.

Rocky was scheduled to go up to the rescue earlier this week, but Thomas convinced me to keep him at home because Thomas planned on staying home to see if we could make our marriage work.  That lasted less than two days and he's back living with his mistress while her husband is out of town.  Of course that means that Rocky is screaming nearly non-stop again and raising the stress level in the house.  I am going to get him up to the rescue as quickly as I can; probably early next week.  I will continue to look for a home for him while he's there, but it will not be easy since he's such a challenge.

My boss is going to take the fish in my tank, so we will move those over early next week.

I have a couple of leads on where Andreas, my uromastyx lizard, can go.

Max and Calypso will stay with me, though they may have to temporarily live with my parents until I am in a stable living situation.

That leaves Beeps.  He can stay at the house for a while until we figure out what to do.  Worst case, he goes up to the rescue as well.  At different times, Thomas has said that he'd take him, but he has proven to be untrustworthy and later changes his mind, so who knows what will happen.  I know that in the comments, someone expressed an interest in him.  When I feel up to it, I will contact you to see if it might work.

I know that I haven't been updating here, responding to e-mails, phone calls, or texts.  I apologize, but I just can't seem to find the energy.  This is the most stressful thing I've ever had to deal with.  There is so much uncertainty and unpleasant work in my future -- rehoming the animals, finding a job, finding an apartment, moving, selling the house, working out the divorce settlement, etc.

I am overwhelmed.  My friends have been great, and I have been taking them up on going out as much as I can.  I am forcing myself to go out at least twice a week to do things.  It's tough because all I want to do is curl up in bed, read self-help books, and try to make sense of what's happening to me.

I think that my blog will take on a very different look over the next few months.  Obviously less about the parrots, since I won't have as many, and more about turning the chaos that currently is my life into something even better than it was before.

I do have some pictures/stories about the parrots on my camera that I will post when I can.  I just haven't felt up to it.  It's all happened so quickly -- in just over a month.  Taking 13 years of hopes, dreams, and plans, and having them squashed in 30 days is exhausting.

I hope to start posting on a more regular basis, but I guess it depends on how I feel. Thanks for being there and for caring.  I know I will get through this; it will just take time.  I'm already feeling much better than I was a few weeks ago.  I do think that ultimately I will be better off without Thomas in my life.  He put on a good front for over a decade, but ultimately, he could no longer hide who he really was.  It's too bad that he had to hurt so many of us in the process.

I will be taking time to be alone, reflect on things, and emerge happier than ever.  Hopefully that will be reflected here over the next few months!  I believe that once I get a job lined up and am in a new apartment, it will be easier to move on.  While I don't want to wish my life away, I wish it were a year from now and this pain could all be in the past.


Shannon said...

Thanks, Mary, for taking the time to keep us posted. It is a very hard time for you, Thomas, and the flock. It must be somewhat of a relief to have made your final decision, which enables you to move forward - painful as it is and will be. Prayers and supportive thoughts to you. Eventually, there will be light at the end of this very dark tunnel.

Stephanie said...

You've been in our thoughts through the new year and I am glad to hear that you're in the process of moving forward. I know it must be heartbreaking for you and I wish you all the strength and courage you need to get through it.

Best to you and all the flock.

Suzanne said...

My heart breaks for you. my first marriage was a bad one but it was quick, emotionally over before the 2 year mark, legally over before year 3.

My current marriage is 16 years strong and If something were to happen I don't know what I would do.

I wish for you all the strength you need to get threw this, all the wisdom you need to see through the lies and false promises and all the support you need from friends and family to lift you over the upcoming hurtles and gently guide you back down onto your feet. I wish for you all these things and more, what has happened you nor your flock deserved. You will all be in my thoughts, and if you need anything, just let me know.

Liz said...

I'm so sorry for everything happening. We're all here behind you as best as we can. :)

Best to you and all of your flock. Your courage and strength is amazing.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for taking the time to keep us informed Mary, when you have so much to deal with. Things will start to make sense again one day, but the journey through this pain must be very difficult. We know you have always done your best for your pets, and this will continue, even if it means finding new homes.
I am glad to hear your friends are being so supportive, and you are going out rather than just crawling away. You have been hurt by someone else's selfishness, not by anything you have done. Take very good care of yourself xxx

Michelle said...

I don't know what to say. I haven't been following any of my blog friends lately due to medical stuff. When I came on today to check up on you and your flock, I was knocked over in grief for you. Divorce is never easy, but when it involves unfaithfulness, it is even more devastating. I am so sorry to hear about your losses. To think that as your marriage disolves you also lose most of your flock is horrific.

I don't know if you believe in God, but I do, and I am going to pray up a storm for you. Please keep us updated as you are able. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Keep the faith. Your life will get back to normal, but it will take time. Lean on your friends and family and don't forget that we are here to lend an ear and post comments to lift you up.

D. Richard said...

I want you to know that as for me, if you ever need a place to get away for a while, I have 87 rooms available in Ormond Beach where you and your parrots will be welcome. Right on the beach.
Call me soon.
I still worry about you , and I would like to talk when I have a particularly good day.
God bless

Beloved Parrot said...

Mary: I think you're doing very well indeed. I am so glad that you're finding good homes for your beloved animals, and I am so glad that you're taking good care of yourself!

WendyKnits said...

I'm happy to see you back here -- I've been thinking about you a lot over the past few weeks. I really feel for your situation -- when my marriage broke up I was left with 5 cats (4 of which my husband insisted on adopting) and I had to find an apartment where I could keep them. Fortunately they were all bonded with each other and fairly low-maintenance, but there were still tough times. So I can really empathize with you!