Things are so good - weekend recap - rambing!!!

A rambling post, most likely.  And one with no pictures!

Friday it was quite rainy here, so I aborted my attempt to bike to work after two blocks (I'm in a very conservative, professional firm so they frown on me arriving sopping wet!)  I decided to take the bus in and let fate decide how I'd get home.

It was beautiful around 5:00 pm, so I decided that I would run the three miles home.  I always keep a set of running clothes at work in case I ever need to exercise mid-day.  This planning paid off!

As I was running home, I realized that I am currently the happiest that I have ever been in my entire life.  And then I started thinking about how my life had changed so much in the past few years.  I was near suicidal when I found out that Thomas had been cheating on me.  I really thought my life was finished.  I'd put all of my attention into him (misguided!) and I'd neglected myself.  Never again!  This entire journey has shown me how I have amazing parents, wonderful friends, and a great life.  I never would have left him if he hadn't cheated on me.  Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like had he just remained faithful.  I would have stayed and had just been a shell of myself. I may have even become an alcoholic.

A couple of weeks ago, I took a day off of work, spent the night at my parents' house, and the day shopping with my mom.  I had such a great time!  My dad keeps the wine flowing, so we started having some interesting conversations (after some cards, of course!)

I had thanked my parents for being such great parents.  I've observed that I'm truly lucky in being born to my mom and dad.  I grew up super poor, but I always knew I was loved, and had essentially an idyllic childhood.  My dad started talking about parenting, and said, "I think that the best thing your mom and I did for you kids is..."

At this point I expected some sort of profound announcement -- "...the fact that we emphasized education" or "...the unconditional love that we had for you" or the equivalent.  Instead, he said, "...introducing you to movie musicals!"  And he was serious!!!

So then I started texting my siblings so we could see what everyone's three favorite musicals were.  It's really hard to choose, but I think mine are "Guys and Dolls," "Singing in the Rain," and "The Sound of Music."  Except "1776" should be in there as well!

In any case, Friday evening I had dinner at my best friend's house.  One of our mutual friends was involved in an organization that hosts international visitors.  There were two from Georgia who were spending a few days in my town.  They came over to my friend's house, and we had dinner together.  It was fascinating learning a bit about Georgia (I really want to visit Tbilisi someday after hearing them talk about how beautiful it was!)

I ran a marathon on Saturday morning.  It was a race that Thomas and I had run together in 2011.  Because I'm finally healed, emotionally healthy, and in a happy place, it was interesting for me to note the differences.  I could talk to people!  I didn't have to revolve my race around his pace!  No one was mean to me!  (Thomas was ever the only person who was mean to me, but I made excuses and lived in a fantasy world where I pretended he actually loved me.)

I went directly from the race (after showering) to the funeral of my work friend's brother.  I've read that you need to keep professional contacts professional, etc.  Maybe it's good that I don't listen to the rules.  I have become fast friends with one of the ladies at work.  I will call her Monica.  She's closer to my mom's age than to mine, but we are kindred spirits.  I have only been at this job for about two years, but she has become an amazing presence in my life.  We tell each other, "I love you," and it's so true.  I get along so well with her husband, kids, and extended family.  It's strange what fate has in store for us!

Then, I went to my friend's house to watch the basketball game.  Of course, I was rooting for Wisconsin, and my heart was broken when Kentucky won after we were leading almost the entire game.  I should just be happy that we made it to the Final Four, but I still feel cheated.  A bit.  I walked home (how cool is it that I live just a few blocks from my best friend's house?) and was just about to fall asleep, when I got a text.

It was from one of my very good friends, who is the husband of one of my coworkers.  (We also tell each other that we love each other.  Why don't more people express their true feelings?  I love being authentic and honest with everyone!)  They were vacationing in Florida, and their cat sitter called them to tell them that their cat was not doing well.  I felt so honored that they would call me to figure out the situation!  Even though it was about 11:00 pm at night, I went over to their house, packed their cat into the cat carrier, and went to the emergency vet.  Everything went well -- the cat is stabilized -- and my friends will be back on Tuesday.

I went to bed around 2:00 am.  Do you ever feel like you're living this crazy sitcom life?

On Sunday morning (today), I met two of my good friends to go for a walk.  I didn't feel like running since I was still recovering from my marathon, and one of my friends can't run since she is recovering from an eating disorder.  We had a great talk.

When I was married, I didn't really have friends.  I had acquaintances, but  I couldn't do things with other people or I'd incur the wrath of Thomas.  I'd learned to walk on eggshells, and normalize his aberrant behavior in order to keep the peace.  After all, I believe in marriage, and was determined to make mine work.

Now, I have so many friends!  My acquaintances have turned into friends.  I've made new friends.  People who I barely knew were there for me, and still are.  And vice versa.  I've learned to be authentic and truly happy.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say by this, other than abusive relationships suck.  I didn't think I was in one, even though friends of mine told me that I was.  He didn't hit me; I'm intelligent; things are OK; right? Not so much!  I was emotionally and verbally abused.  The stories I have told have brought my friends (and me) to tears.  Why did I think it was OK for Thomas to treat me so poorly?  And the truth of the matter is that I believe so strongly in marriage being forever (no one in my family gets divorced) that I would have stayed with him.

Which brings me to the end of this message -- I had an amazing first date today.  Since I've been single, I've gone on approximately 40 first dates.  I tell my friends stories about them, and they double over in laughter, asking me to write a book.  Perhaps someday, though I suspect my experiences aren't that different from other people trying to date in their 30s. (There are a lot of weirdos out there!  But also a lot of really good people!)

Things are looking up -- if anyone is reading this and is in an abusive relationship -- things get so much better!  Surround yourself with only good, loving people!  You're worth it!!!

Monthly personal update

As frequently as I say that I'm going to try to update this blog more often, you'd think that I would!  However, real life is getting in the way.  When I was married to the most anti-social person in the world, I had plenty of time to blog, but now that I'm doing things with friends and still trying to keep up with the parrots, as well as holding down a much more demanding job, this is something that has fallen by the wayside.  Which makes me sad, as I'd love to have a more complete picture of the past couple years of my life!

But here is a snapshot of the things I did during the month of July:

I went to a baseball game.  I am sponsored by a local running store, and am friends with many of the employees, so they invited me along on their employee outing, which was rather odd, since I was the only non-employee, but they were so welcoming and I have been invited back for next year!

This one was June, but a local street festival was held to celebrate the solstice.  I went with a good friend and her husband.  We met the father of the lead singer of a popular local band (on the verge of signing a national record contract) which meant we met the lead singer and had a memorable evening.

 Supermoon!!!

 Front-row tickets to see three bands from my youth!!!!!

 Boyz II Men (my favorite, and I will get a rhinestone-emblazoned Phillies hat someday):

 Not sure why they look other-worldly, but I love this picture of them singing!

98 Degrees (I am actually a bit too old for them, and I didn't know many of their songs, but they were energetic and fun):

New Kids on the Block -- yes, I should be embarrassed to admit it, but I was there!  And when they went into the crowd for one of their songs, they all brushed past me!  Again, I wasn't huge fans of them, but I knew most of the songs they sang, and they put on a great show.

My sister and I went to a minor-league game that was one of the most exciting games I have ever seen. S he won a pair of VIP tickets.

The celebration after they came from behind in the bottom of the 9th inning with 2 outs, when they hadn't had the lead for the entire game:

I went to dinner with my friend J.  We split a pizza, which meant room for dessert.  This was one of the best things I have ever eaten.  That's caramel sea salt ice cream on top of the brownies.  And candied nuts.  YUM!!!  I showed my friend at work this picture, she made me show a bunch of other people, and quite a few made it over to this restaurant for this piece of deliciousness:

Celebrating Bastille Days (you can see French flags spread out along the street of this very American city.) 

On a date, I went bowling for the first time in over a decade -- and scored over 100 points (that's me on the top row.)

Same guy, different date.  French toast.  With ice cream.  Amazing concept, and one I'm ashamed to have not thought of myself.  This really was made for two to share, so I only ate half of the French toast, but I did eat all of the ice cream (caramel sea salt again.  Delicious!!!)

My parents and I go to a craft brew fest on an annual basis.  This year, four of my friends (two couples) joined us, and we ran into my cousin there.  What a fun time!  After, we walked to a different street festival, then we walked home, and my parents spent the night.  That part will continue to be a tradition, though I'm hoping to pick up a couple of used bikes for people to use when they visit as biking home will be quicker than walking!

It's still very early days, but I am dating an amazing man.  I was abused (verbally and emotionally) for so long, I rather forgot what it was like to be with someone who treats me as nicely as I treat him.  I'm glad I took many months away from dating to work on myself and figure out what I really want, as I'm in a good place to welcome a good man into my life.

He's met the parrots and finds them amusing and interesting.  Being prey animals, they are a little wary, but he'll win them over.  His middle name is Andres, which is usually what I'd use as his pseudonym, but since it's so close to Andreas's name, I'll have to think of something different to avoid confusion.  Though hopefully no one would think that I am dating my lizard!

Anyway, things are good, life is fabulous, and I need to blog more frequently!

Massive update! Things are fantastic!

Tons of embarrassment over here for it being nearly two months since my last entry! I'm not going to even attempt to make excuses, but I will promise (again!) to try to do better. I know I am sad that I don't have a nice record of this past year.  Because it's been fabulous!

Winter, on the other hand, has not been fabulous.  I saw way too much of this:

Which made running quite difficult.  I still managed to (mostly) get my miles in, but they were slower and slippery-er than I would have liked.  Luckily I have some great running partners who help get me out even when it's cold and windy.  I'm running a 50K with some friends in about 6 weeks, and we have a marathon next week, so those races will test my winter running preparedness!

Here's a look at the path on which I walk home from work on occasion.  Proof that I was not the only one out there on this wintry day:

Almost home!

I love this time of night, when everything looks so magical:

Work is going really well.  It's still more hours than I would like, but nowhere near as bad as it could be.  I've made some fantastic friends, and will celebrate my one-year anniversary there in about two weeks.  I'm up on a high floor; here's a picture of my building enveloped in fog:

I would have taken a picture out of my office window, but all you would have seen was white.

The parrots are still doing well, though I have been remiss in photographing them!

I had a box on my dining room chair that I was planning to use to send a care package to a friend.  Max had other ideas, as she jumped in and started ripping up the box.  I did remove her as soon as I took this picture, as I do not want to encourage nesting behavior in her.  Perhaps she was trying to teach me a lesson about procrastination.

Max is as sweet as ever.  She still gets jealous of the caiques at times, but she loves to follow me around the house, like a dog, shouting "HELLO!" whenever we enter a new room.  It melts my heart every time.

The caiques are also thriving.  I hear frequently from Stella's new owners, and she continues to do very well there.  Rocky is also very much loved and hopefully in his forever home.  Of course I still feel guilty that I wasn't able to be that forever home for the two of them, but I know they are in better situations than they would have been had I tried to keep them.

On a personal level, it is tricky trying to balance social outings with making sure the parrots have enough time with me.  Since they go to bed rather early, I'll frequently head out after they are asleep.

I'm looking to buy a house!  After owning one for 12 years, adjusting to apartment life has been unpleasant, to say the least.  Especially with the parrots, as I'm always worried they'll be too loud and I'll get kicked out.  So far, over a year in, there have been no complaints.  Anyway, I have a very narrow geographic range where I want to buy, and there hasn't been a lot of inventory.  I'm hoping that more will come on the market as it warms up, and we can be in our new place in the next few months.

I almost put in an offer on one, until I discovered there were major structural problems with it.  I'm now trying to decide whether I like another house enough, despite its flaws (one bathroom, small kitchen, baseboard heating), to make an offer.  That one has a perfect location and tons of charm (built-ins, original wood in perfect condition, butler's pantry.)

On a totally unrelated note, I was at a running social last week and they had the cutest spring cupcakes:

As for the dating scene, I have decided to take some time away.  Too many guys wanted to be in an instant relationship (though I do have some funny stories that I will post here at some point) and it was really starting to stress me out.  We have been on two dates!  Stop asking me when we can go on a weekend away together!

After being emotionally and verbally abused for so long, being single and surrounding myself only with wonderful, loving friends has been such a relief.  I do date-like things with them (movies, museums, dinner, concerts, etc.) so it's a lot of fun.

Literally the week before Thomas confessed to having an affair with his mom clone/married coworker, I had ordered a bunch of yarn in colors that complemented his skin tone.  That yarn had just been sitting in a box, until I recently decided that I should make the hats...for me!  Here is the first one:

The time has just been flying by.  I've been in my apartment for over a year now.  I've been at my new job nearly a year.  It's almost spring again!  A year ago, if you told me I'd not only be happy, but happier than I had been in years, I wouldn't have believed you.  And yet, that's exactly what has happened.

Now, back to more regular stories and updates instead of trying to cram two months' worth of activity into one entry!

Winter hiking

I went on a date this afternoon with a man who loves being out in nature as much as I do! His degree is in something nature-related, and he works in the local parks system. As I waited for him to arrive at the park, I was treated to three deer walking by the parking lot:

The sky was so blue today, it almost looked like it could be summer.  If only there were leaves on the trees and no snow on the lookout guardrail!  (Oh, summer, please get here soon!  I am already sick of the cold!)

At least the snow is beautiful:

So gorgeous:

And even more so as the sun began to set:

It was so fun to go out hiking again!  It had been a few months since I'd been out, and I've really missed it.  I have made it a goal for 2013 to spend more time on the trails.  Mr. Nature and I have tentative plans to go out hiking again.

We did see two red-tailed hawks circling and then swooping near us, which was fun.  He's more into plants than birds, but I told him that birds are much more interesting to watch!

It was so refreshing to have delightful conversation, and to be with someone who pleasantly greeted other hikers we encountered.  My new beginning reinforces all that I'd been missing out on this past decade!

September 21, 2012

I live in a very bicycle-friendly community now.  However, my bike has been broken (disintegrating tires, among other things) for the past four years.  After I moved out, I had always planned on fixing my bike, but I had never gotten around to it -- until recently!

I intended to have my bike shop take a picture of me with my new bike, but I forgot my camera, so I had to wait until I was back home.  I picked it up this evening, which means that starting Monday, I am a bicycle commuter!  One of my coworkers is also a bicycle commuter, and every day he stops by my office to ask if I've fixed my bike.  This has been going on for a couple of months, so he was shocked when I told him that starting Monday, I might see him on the bike path.

I only live about 2.5 miles from work, and I'm just a few blocks away from a really nice bike path that takes me right there, so I am really excited about this development.

Coming home from the bike shop, I forgot how much fun being on a bicycle can be!  I really should be doing much more cross-training instead of always running!  I have good intentions to start weight lifting again, doing yoga, etc., but running is really the only thing I do consistently.  And now 5 miles per work day of biking.

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Just to add a bit of parrot, here's Max, keeping an eye on things.  My apartment building was built around 100 years ago, so there was no such thing as open concept.  That means that even if we're just one room away (here: I'm in the kitchen; Max is in the dining room) she has to position herself carefully in order to watch me.

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I had my third date last night with this really fun guy.  We went to see the Queen documentary/concert movie (which I highly recommend.)  I am very sad that I was never able to see Freddie Mercury perform live, but they did such an amazing job remastering the concert footage that you'd never guess it was filmed nearly 30 years ago.

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And ending with someone who just thinks she might be one of the cutest parrots ever:

Actually she was probably trying to get me to give her a nut!