Early Summer Beer Fest

I live in a town with a fair number of beer fests. I also now live on the side of town in which most fun activities happen, which means that I can bike to most of these fests! My best friend, her friend from high school (who has now become my friend), and I went to a beer fest towards the beginning of the summer. We'd started the day with a 15 mile run, so we were definitely ready and thirsty when it started. Also happened to run into other friends there!

The taps from one of my favorite breweries (I must admit, I'll frequently buy the beer solely for the nature-themed names and pictures on the holder!)

An ingenious way to carry your beer around in my neighborhood -- though you'd run the risk of theft, depending on what type of beer you're carrying...

Cheers!

Nature and Pride

June started with a 50K with my other best friend.  After a harsh winter and long spring, seeing greenery was so welcome!  This race, unlike most that start in the morning, started in the afternoon.  And since I was running with my friend, who is slower than I am, that meant we'd be running in the dark.  So we enjoyed the daylight as much as possible!

I'm trying to remain anonymous here so I can feel free to be open and honest (very few people in real life know about this blog), but here is a partial picture of me, in front of some trees:

We wound up finishing just before midnight, and had an amazing time.  We were singing on the trails, a la Weird Al, laughing, and having a great time.  Which was great because she got injured during the run, so I lost one of my favorite running partners while she rehabs and gets better.

The next day, I did a Beer Run -- about 2 miles with 4 mandatory beer stops -- though since I'd run a 50K the day before, it was a Beer Walk for me.  And I didn't officially finish since all of my friends were faster and ran back to the last beer stop to find me.  So it's taken me over 3 months to finish so far!

 

I ran into a guy I'd dated the previous year, which was a little uncomfortable, but we chatted and had a nice afternoon.  And then I had to leave because it was PRIDE!!!

One of the most amazing parts of my new beginning is the new friends that I've made.  Thomas was a loner sociopath who was isolating me.  I didn't realize it at the time, and I'm not so sure he did, either.  In any case, when he cheated and I left (well, he left first, for his mom-clone mistress, but then he wanted me back and I declined), that meant I didn't have a lot of friends.  Luckily my acquaintances understood, and became my friends.

Among my new-found friends is my coworker who, along with his husband, have welcomed me with open arms into the gay community.  Through them, I've made other life-long friends and had what has, so far, been the summer of my life.

My best friend and I went down to the gay pride parade, and it seemed like we were friends with half of the people there!

 

Then, we went out to dinner and had pie.  It was great.

I am so happy that I live in a time where people are more and more accepting of gay people.  I have two gay siblings, and it used to worry me -- that they would face discrimination, or mean-spirited people, be beat up, etc.  My mom broke down in tears when my sister came out because she was worried about what the future held for her, thinking of Laramie.  But now?  With all of the progress that has been made in the past few years?  There still is room for improvement, but I am so heartened for my friends who are reaping the benefits of those who came before.  There were so many people celebrating at pride! 

That my coworker and his husband had a wedding and invited everyone we worked with (he hid the fact that he was gay for the first 10 years he worked there since we work at a very conservative company in a very conservative industry.)  That so many coworkers came and celebrated.  That I didn't hear a single negative remark about it.  That so many people said it was the most fun wedding they'd ever attended.

This was just the beginning of an amazing summer.

May fun

I've mentioned before that one of my goals is to run a marathon in every state.  My best friend, who also runs marathons, has agreed to run marathons in some states with me.  She will not commit to all 50!  So, earlier this year, we ran a marathon in Michigan, and then in May, we went to Ohio to run the Flying Pig Marathon.  So much fun!

I didn't really have friends before, so one of the best parts of my new beginning is all of the friendships that I've made.  I had known my best friend for about 8 years, in that we'd train for a marathon every summer.  However, we'd see each other on Saturday mornings for 13 weeks, and then not talk again until the following July.  Now, I bought a house 5 blocks from her and we see each other several times a week.

Here is a view of the bridge that will take us over to Cincinnati from Kentucky, where our hotel was:

So clever -- here are past years' posters.  This year was Pigcasso.  I love it!

We went to a baseball game, since the Reds were in town.

The guy in front of us at the ticket line really loved the Reds!

Because we had run a marathon, we got to eat a lot of delicious food:

Back home, another one of my new friends is the lead singer in a local band.  He was shockingly good!  Several of us (I brought the guy I was dating at the time) went to hear him -- there was lots of dancing and laughter!

 

Later in the month, my department was having a mini golf tournament.  I had to build a golf hole, and did so with the help of the guy I was dating at the time.  We won the prize of "Hardest Hole" which included gift certificates to a coffee shop.  I think it took me about 30 strokes to get the ball in the hole, and even that might have involved a bit of cheating (such as guiding the ball a bit more than I think is legal...)

One day, I came home and my neighbors were staring over the fence.  She said that there was a turkey who had been hanging out in my yard for hours!  You can see him at the end of my driveway -- he left once I arrived.

One of the things I do a lot now is go to concerts.  Another one of my very good friends works for a concert venue in town, so she'll invite me to see shows when she has extra tickets.

However, my boss (who is absolutely amazing) invited me to see The Indigo Girls with her since she had an extra ticket.  We had a great time and though I didn't really know their music, wound up buying their Greatest Hits CD and listen to it frequently now.

Now, to upload pictures from the rest of the summer and get up to date so I can hopefully maintain this blog more faithfully going forward.

I am sad that I didn't keep a record of what I was going through when things were so terrible for me.  However, the pain was so raw and so intense that I'm not sure I'd want to have that down in print or to ever revisit it.  Now, with distance from an abusive relationship, all I can think is how lucky I was to get out in my mid-30s.  That I still had time to find the life that I should have been living -- to experience things like friends, laughter, honest people, good sex, and so much more.  To live instead of to just exist.

More soon!

Things are so good - weekend recap - rambing!!!

A rambling post, most likely.  And one with no pictures!

Friday it was quite rainy here, so I aborted my attempt to bike to work after two blocks (I'm in a very conservative, professional firm so they frown on me arriving sopping wet!)  I decided to take the bus in and let fate decide how I'd get home.

It was beautiful around 5:00 pm, so I decided that I would run the three miles home.  I always keep a set of running clothes at work in case I ever need to exercise mid-day.  This planning paid off!

As I was running home, I realized that I am currently the happiest that I have ever been in my entire life.  And then I started thinking about how my life had changed so much in the past few years.  I was near suicidal when I found out that Thomas had been cheating on me.  I really thought my life was finished.  I'd put all of my attention into him (misguided!) and I'd neglected myself.  Never again!  This entire journey has shown me how I have amazing parents, wonderful friends, and a great life.  I never would have left him if he hadn't cheated on me.  Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like had he just remained faithful.  I would have stayed and had just been a shell of myself. I may have even become an alcoholic.

A couple of weeks ago, I took a day off of work, spent the night at my parents' house, and the day shopping with my mom.  I had such a great time!  My dad keeps the wine flowing, so we started having some interesting conversations (after some cards, of course!)

I had thanked my parents for being such great parents.  I've observed that I'm truly lucky in being born to my mom and dad.  I grew up super poor, but I always knew I was loved, and had essentially an idyllic childhood.  My dad started talking about parenting, and said, "I think that the best thing your mom and I did for you kids is..."

At this point I expected some sort of profound announcement -- "...the fact that we emphasized education" or "...the unconditional love that we had for you" or the equivalent.  Instead, he said, "...introducing you to movie musicals!"  And he was serious!!!

So then I started texting my siblings so we could see what everyone's three favorite musicals were.  It's really hard to choose, but I think mine are "Guys and Dolls," "Singing in the Rain," and "The Sound of Music."  Except "1776" should be in there as well!

In any case, Friday evening I had dinner at my best friend's house.  One of our mutual friends was involved in an organization that hosts international visitors.  There were two from Georgia who were spending a few days in my town.  They came over to my friend's house, and we had dinner together.  It was fascinating learning a bit about Georgia (I really want to visit Tbilisi someday after hearing them talk about how beautiful it was!)

I ran a marathon on Saturday morning.  It was a race that Thomas and I had run together in 2011.  Because I'm finally healed, emotionally healthy, and in a happy place, it was interesting for me to note the differences.  I could talk to people!  I didn't have to revolve my race around his pace!  No one was mean to me!  (Thomas was ever the only person who was mean to me, but I made excuses and lived in a fantasy world where I pretended he actually loved me.)

I went directly from the race (after showering) to the funeral of my work friend's brother.  I've read that you need to keep professional contacts professional, etc.  Maybe it's good that I don't listen to the rules.  I have become fast friends with one of the ladies at work.  I will call her Monica.  She's closer to my mom's age than to mine, but we are kindred spirits.  I have only been at this job for about two years, but she has become an amazing presence in my life.  We tell each other, "I love you," and it's so true.  I get along so well with her husband, kids, and extended family.  It's strange what fate has in store for us!

Then, I went to my friend's house to watch the basketball game.  Of course, I was rooting for Wisconsin, and my heart was broken when Kentucky won after we were leading almost the entire game.  I should just be happy that we made it to the Final Four, but I still feel cheated.  A bit.  I walked home (how cool is it that I live just a few blocks from my best friend's house?) and was just about to fall asleep, when I got a text.

It was from one of my very good friends, who is the husband of one of my coworkers.  (We also tell each other that we love each other.  Why don't more people express their true feelings?  I love being authentic and honest with everyone!)  They were vacationing in Florida, and their cat sitter called them to tell them that their cat was not doing well.  I felt so honored that they would call me to figure out the situation!  Even though it was about 11:00 pm at night, I went over to their house, packed their cat into the cat carrier, and went to the emergency vet.  Everything went well -- the cat is stabilized -- and my friends will be back on Tuesday.

I went to bed around 2:00 am.  Do you ever feel like you're living this crazy sitcom life?

On Sunday morning (today), I met two of my good friends to go for a walk.  I didn't feel like running since I was still recovering from my marathon, and one of my friends can't run since she is recovering from an eating disorder.  We had a great talk.

When I was married, I didn't really have friends.  I had acquaintances, but  I couldn't do things with other people or I'd incur the wrath of Thomas.  I'd learned to walk on eggshells, and normalize his aberrant behavior in order to keep the peace.  After all, I believe in marriage, and was determined to make mine work.

Now, I have so many friends!  My acquaintances have turned into friends.  I've made new friends.  People who I barely knew were there for me, and still are.  And vice versa.  I've learned to be authentic and truly happy.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say by this, other than abusive relationships suck.  I didn't think I was in one, even though friends of mine told me that I was.  He didn't hit me; I'm intelligent; things are OK; right? Not so much!  I was emotionally and verbally abused.  The stories I have told have brought my friends (and me) to tears.  Why did I think it was OK for Thomas to treat me so poorly?  And the truth of the matter is that I believe so strongly in marriage being forever (no one in my family gets divorced) that I would have stayed with him.

Which brings me to the end of this message -- I had an amazing first date today.  Since I've been single, I've gone on approximately 40 first dates.  I tell my friends stories about them, and they double over in laughter, asking me to write a book.  Perhaps someday, though I suspect my experiences aren't that different from other people trying to date in their 30s. (There are a lot of weirdos out there!  But also a lot of really good people!)

Things are looking up -- if anyone is reading this and is in an abusive relationship -- things get so much better!  Surround yourself with only good, loving people!  You're worth it!!!