Mid-September Update

Hello my dear blog friends,

Yet again, a month has gone by with very few posts and very few pictures taken. I intend to get back to a more normal posting schedule soon, but I've been intending to do so for months now! In any case, please do not take my silence for despair or sadness; on the contrary, things are great!

I think part of me didn't want to post because Thomas knows about the blog and I didn't want him knowing what's going on with my life. But then I realized that he just doesn't care. It kind of boggles my mind, but it's true.  He is never going to check the blog, because we are all dead to him.  So I can write whatever I want!

During one of the last times I had to speak with him, about selling the house (It's final and sold!) I mentioned that Rocky had been adopted and asked if he wanted to know about his new family, and he flat out said no, that he didn't care.

I'm not sure if this is false bravado after realizing that he's lost the only beings who ever loved him (me, my family, and the parrots) or if he really doesn't care, but I'm leaning toward the latter.  I've done a ton of reading on people with personality disorders, so I can understand, on an intellectual level, what is going on with him, but it's still hard for me to really understand what it's like to live that way.

In any case, after making that realization, I now feel safe to post.

The parrots are all doing extremely well.  My job is more demanding of my time, so I don't have as much time to spend with them as I'd like, but they are adjusting.

Here's a picture of Calypso, when he went from his stand to the plant that was next to his stand.  Luckily for him, it is perch-like as I did a bad job of rotating it so it didn't grow evenly!

Max is as sweet as ever.  She loves wandering around the house, looking for me.  She's kind of like a dog that way.  I figure it's good exercise for her, and since it's just me in the house, I don't have to worry about her getting stepped on.  Usually she flies, so she can land on my arm, but sometimes she walks.

Here she is after a bath a couple of days ago.  My mom and I were painting, and Max decided to keep us company.

As for me, work is going really, really well.  Long hours, but I knew that going in.  When Thomas left us just as I'd finished paying for him to go to medical school, right before he was to start actually contributing to the household, and just after I found out I was losing my well-paying job, I was a bit worried about what kind of job I'd be able to find and how I'd be able to support us, since cheaper places wouldn't allow birds.  I am happy to say that I have landed on my feet.  I will most likely buy a house in the spring, and I can't wait to make it all mine!  And the parrots', of course!

I love our new neighborhood!  I can go weeks without using my car, as I usually walk or take the bus to work, and grocery shopping, many of my friends, and tons of things to do are within a half mile of my apartment.  My bike is currently being fixed up, and then I will become a bicycle commuter.  I can't wait!

I have been dating a bit -- a lot of bad first dates -- I will have to relay some of the stories here in the future.  But I've recently met someone who is a bit promising.  It's still really early on, but we laugh for hours, have tons in common, and he is super good-looking!  And he lives less than a mile from me! 

The last 7 or so years of my marriage, I can't remember Thomas complimenting me.  Medical school, residency, and fellowship changed him.  He'd tell me I was fat (I'm a size 4), or that I was ugly and looked like a man (not true) -- which I laughed off as I thought he was joking.  But now I think that he was serious and trying to make me unhappy because he is a fundamentally unhappy person and misery loves company.  It's so great to be around friends and family that are so nice to me!  I was trying to think of the last time someone was mean to me, and I couldn't remember.  It had to have been Thomas, but it's so insignificant now that I can't even remember the specific incident.

Sometimes I get angry at myself for staying in a bad marriage for so long.  I thought I was happy, and I didn't recognize it as a bad marriage.  Why did I not realize when I was being verbally and emotionally abused?  My therapist told me it was like I was in a one-man cult, and I'm such a happy, positive person that I didn't let it get me down.  But that I have to be very careful in recognizing red flags and acting on them so that I don't waste more years in another terrible relationship, with someone who doesn't deserve me.  I have done so much reading and introspection, and I'm glad that I got out when I was young enough to create a new, wonderful life for myself.

Anyway, by putting this out on the blog, I am hoping to start regular posting again.  I love being able to go back throughout the years and see what I was doing this time of year in 2009, for example, and the future me will probably be upset with the present me for not writing regularly!

Rocky got adopted

Yes, it may seem like a miracle to anyone who knows of him, but Rocky got adopted!

I have been in contact with his new family, and they love him very much.  He is acclimating well.  They also have a yellow-collared macaw, and the two of them (Rocky and the other mini) have been preening each other.  This is fantastic news, as Rocky always seemed like he wanted to befriend another parrot, but the other birds at my house were not interested.

Stella is also doing well -- I get frequent updates from her new family.  She is also very loved and doing very well.

Thomas still does not care about any of us.  The house should sell next week, and then I will basically have no contact with him, which is apparently what he wanted all along.

As for the three that are with me, they are doing very well.  Calypso has blossomed so much, it's like he's a different bird.  Beeps and Max have adapted to having me as their only human.

I know I keep saying that I will post more, but I have trouble figuring out what this blog should be.  Still mostly about the parrots?  (With the loss of Rocky, there is not as much to report!)  Dating in my 30s? (Frustrating, to say the least!) My life, navigating a completely different one than I'd been planning for the past 11 years?

Right now, my three remaining parrots (Max, Calypso, and Beeps) and I are listening to music on youtube and having a dance party:



This song has given me so much strength throughout the ordeal. I frequently repeat lines to myself, especially about how she had to go through so much war to get where she is today.  That is what my life has become.

Beeps marches on

Beeps, beeping around and thinking about getting worked up.  When I whistle like that, I can usually get him to say "Pretty Baby!"  Had I tried to pick him up in that state, there's a good chance I would have gotten bit.

Caique gymnastics

Gold medal performance!

A little Calypso

Earlier this week, I realized that one of my plants had grown toward the sun in such a way that the stem has become nearly horizontal.

Since Calypso was the closest parrot to me, and he is also the most compliant, I put him on the plant and took a picture.  He seemed to like it for a few minutes, but then tired of it and climbed down to step on my hand.

Here he is, eating a strawberry.  Normally, I'd cut it up, but was feeling lazy, so just gave him the entire berry.  Neither Max nor Beeps felt like having any.  As a special bonus, he smelled like strawberries for the rest of the night, so when I kissed the top of his head, I had an olfactory treat!

Out and about

In my new single life, I have been making it a point to try to do lots of things that I always wanted to do, or do more often, but didn't while married.  I am trying to live my life the way I want to, and not the way that either society or someone else says that I should.

For example, I always wished that I could live my life without driving.  Whenever I went to Europe, I loved just walking and using public transportation.  In my new life, I take the bus or walk to work and just drive on weekends, when necessary.

Last weekend, my bus stop looked like a crime scene:

But it was just that a super fun professional bike race was in town (one block from my apartment!!!):

So they needed to make sure that if anyone crashed into the bus stop, they wouldn't be injured.  I saw one minor collision, where someone's pedal flew off, but both were able to stay upright.

I was spectating, and amazed at how many people walking by that I knew.  Great fun!

Then, on Tuesday, I went to a music festival with friends:

The horn player is wearing a Keith Van Horn jersey -- he was one of my favorite college players in the mid-90s.  I have several of his rookie cards and used to have a framed poster (gave it to Goodwill when I moved to my apartment.)  This band is playing at a festival in town next week, so I'll probably see them again soon.

Then, we saw fireworks.  Since either my camera isn't great, or I had it on the wrong setting, the fireworks looked like they were dancing:

This weekend, I have lots planned again. I am sad that I went AWOL from blogging so have not much to remember these past 7 months by (though these past 7 months were so painful and terrible, perhaps it's best if I don't remember them) so I really, truly, am going to try to blog more!

Flock dynamics and life

If you can believe it, it's been nearly 4 months (!) since I've been in my new apartment. I have a hard time believing it's been so long.  My lease is over 1/3 over, which is exciting as I hope to buy a house next spring.  I am tired of worrying about the parrots making too much noise for the neighbors, and I'd like to be able to take Basil back when needed.  (But my house in the suburbs, which is on the market, needs to sell first.)

The parrots and I are acclimating well.  We love our new neighborhood.  Beeps loves to fly to the windowsills and watch all of the activity below.  Then he yells "pretty baby!" at the passers-by, but I don't think anyone but me can understand him.

I had hoped that my reduced flock would get along better, but Max and Calypso still attempt to drive Beeps from the area.  I have to be very careful to make sure he doesn't get injured.  Most nights, Max and Calypso play on the stand, like here:

while Beeps hangs out on my leg, under my protection.  I still don't understand how Max can be fine with Calypso but harbor such an extreme hatred for Beeps -- they are both male teenage caiques!  Get along!

All three of the parrots have had to acclimate to sleep cages.  They had been getting up with the sun -- near 5 am -- and beeping, whistling, and yelling, "Good morning!  Wanna get up!" which I'm sure my neighbors didn't appreciate!  And since I can't change my window trimmings due to my lease, I had to take other steps.

Previous to sleep cages, I had been getting up at 5 every morning and putting them into their (covered) carriers, which was obviously not sustainable.  Now I can finally get a full night's sleep!

I'll try to get a picture up, but they now love their sleep cages, which is nice, as they'll be able to take them with them if they have to board at my parents' house when I go on vacation.  If that ever happens :)

Once again, I am amazed at the resiliency of parrots.  Basil and Stella continue to do well in their homes.  Rocky is even enjoying it at the rescue (he has still not been adopted.)  And Max, Calypso, and Beeps have acclimated far better than I ever imagined.

In fact, before, when I'd ask Max for a kiss, she'd usually make one kiss sound.  Every since I've been single, she responds with TWO kiss sounds.  Somehow, she knows!

If you're wondering why blog posting has been light...

...it takes a long time to craft a post when you haven't any fingers!!!

Another personal update

Time is yet again flying by, and more than a month has passed since my last blog entry.  I just can't believe it!  It's now been over 6 months since I found out about Thomas's infidelity and my entire life changed.

Our divorce was final last month.  The day itself was terrible.  I think that part of me had hoped, until it was final, that he would finally realize what he'd done and do anything to make it right and for us to get back together.  Being in court made me realize that would be impossible.

Since then (it's been about 3 weeks now), I've felt like a huge weight has been lifted off of me.  I am still sad about the way things turned out -- I feel like I wasted over a decade of my life -- but starting to get more excited about my new life.  I haven't even wanted to cry since then, whereas the month or so before the divorce, it felt like that's all I was doing.

Max, Calypso, Beeps, Andreas, and I are mostly settled into our new apartment.  We've been here almost three months now!  Our house is on the market, and there's been some interest, though no offers yet.  Thomas leaves next month for his new job which is in a city about three hours away from us.

I found out I was losing my job right before Thomas confessed his affair, which added to my stress.  However, I have found a very interesting new job -- have been there about 7 weeks now -- which is perfect in every respect except for the longish hours and inability to do personal things (like e-mail and blog) on my work computer.

All in all, it's been a very interesting, and mostly good, few months.  I am trying to look at being single again as a great opportunity to take a look at my life, decide what changes need to be made, and become a happier person.  I've found great solace in my family and friends, who have really stepped up and have been unbelievable support during this terrible time.

I still get regular updates on Basil, Stella, and Rocky.  The first two are doing really well in their homes, and Rocky appears to be happy at the rescue.  He's still looking for a home, and he's so difficult that he might stay at the rescue for quite some time until the right home can be found.  I had hopes that Thomas would take him, but even though he could more than afford to buy a house in his new city where this would be possible, he rented an apartment with a no pets clause.

I've still been running, and last month took first in my age group in an ultramarathon (3rd female overall -- a couple of 20-somethings beat me!) I have a few races scheduled in the upcoming months, and have been training.

I've had trouble finding enough time to paint, but I will get back to it soon, now that things are settling down a bit more at work.  I have no air conditioning, so it's been way too hot to knit, though I have projects lined up for when it cools down again.

I haven't been very good at taking pictures -- I just went through what was on my camera and they were all minute-long videos of my parrots that probably no one else would find interesting, so I'm not going to post them.  I will try to get some new parrot material soon!

Hope everyone has had a great 2012 so far!

Max, my African Grey and Pink

I was painting my nails last week, and I had the bottle on the table.  Max flew over and investigated, as usual.  My head was turned for a second, and in that time, she nudged against the bottle, painting a pink streak on her beak:

It wore off in about a week.  She's back to normal now.