Sunday, January 22, 2012

My update

Personally, things are going really well for me.  I don't think I realized the underlying stress I had with living with Thomas.  I thought I was happy, but that's just because I'm a positive person.  I've realized that the dark cloud of doom and gloom affected me more than I thought.  Everyone is remarking on how good and happy I am now.

Today, I was reminded of an example of this.  I was running with someone that I'd only met 4-5 times before.  It was quite icy, and I fell down.  Immediately, he stopped, helped me up, and made sure I was OK.  You know, normal, pleasant behavior.

Last year, Thomas and I were running quite a bit together since we were training for several marathons and a 50 mile race.  On three separate occasions, I slipped and fell on the ice.  Every time, he yelled at me for being so irresponsible as to fall on the ice.  These tirades were laced with expletives about how stupid I was since I knew it was icy, so why wasn't I more careful?  He even asked me for the house key as he was just going to go on without me and I could make it home on my own and he'd open the door for me.  He never once stopped to see if I was OK -- he just kept on running, and only came back when I asked him to, and then just to yell at me.  Once I thought I might have broken something and wasn't sure I could get up, but he just yelled at me for being melodramatic and didn't help at all.

When a relative stranger is nicer to you than your own husband, that's a sign that something is wrong!

I think I just put up with it because we were married and I am a loyal person.  Divorce never even entered my mind; I just made excuses for him.  His true "excuse" is that he's a narcissist and sociopath who has no conscience or regard for anyone else.  That's why he is able to leave the parrots so easily.  He never really cared about them or me -- it was all just an act.

Although I am sad that I wasted over 13 years of my life with him, I am glad that I got out relatively unscathed and early enough that I can still have a great life.  Also, since we don't have kids, I never have to see him again once the divorce is final (late May) and the house is sold.  I can't wait!

Things are progressing on all fronts.  I had a successful first interview last week and I meet with the CFO tomorrow.  If all goes well, it's possible I'll have a job offer by the end of the week!  Once I have a job, I can get an apartment near work and move out so that I can start my new life.

We have to sell our house, and at a party on Friday night, I met a really nice guy (I'd met him briefly a few times before) who happens to be a realtor!  He also lives in my town, so we're going to get together to run a few times while I still live here and he's going to sell our house.  He did tell me that he wanted to punch Thomas in the gut for how he treated me, so I will have that mental image with me when they meet :)  I know he'll act professionally and restrain himself from violence.

I spent yesterday with my parents and sister, and we had a wonderful, stress-free visit.

I thought that without having to cater to Thomas, I'd have more time on evenings and weekends to do things like catch up on blog reading, catch up on book reading, etc.  However, my social calendar is filling so much that I find I have even less time than before!  I'm not sure if this will continue, but it's nice while it lasts.

I hope that everyone reading has been having a nice time as well.  I am so excited about my future!


Elizabeth said...

Fingers crossed for you getting an offer! Everything is going to be great.

D. Richard said...

Damn girl , Has he (Thomas) never heard of chivalry .
Now and again I will slip on the ice and fall down , but I might have a non standard reaction to that . I usually burst out laughing un controllably. Yep at myself . I admit that I might snicker a little at someone else after checking to see if they are OK .
Hope that wouldn't bother you
Life is to short .
Dont concentrate on the falling or the sudden stop .
Live outlandishly .
Laugh a belly full.
Enjoy what God has given you .
How such a Negative person captured such a positive person I will never know .
Pity him .

Beloved Parrot said...

Good girl!! You're doing great!

Woman in Love said...

Found you blog when I was searching for a photo - saw 1 of yours & thought it was interesting enough to read your blog. Read that Thomas had confessed an affair & you were getting a divorce. Never had read you before but was so angry at his behaviour.

Today I read about his allowing you to lay on the ground while he ran on to the house and am glad he had an affair - otherwise you might have put up with that behaviour for a long while - all the time thinking/feeling that was the behaviour you deserved to be shown.

Glad to read that your life is better - single life is fabulous especially if you've lived with an abuser.