Wednesday, January 11, 2012

He's back in the house :(

Thomas was supposed to come back tonight, but apparently his mistress's husband returned from his trip earlier than expected, so he returned last night instead.  He's not sure how long he's going to stay -- it could be days, weeks, or months.  I may be out before he is!  And then we have to sell the house.

The dark cloud of doom and gloom has returned.  It's very stressful.  The negativity is palpable.  He was like this before, but I always minimized and rationalized his behavior.  It will be a challenge to live together while we continue along the path to divorce.  If he's going to be here, at least he could try to be pleasant.  A cider or bit of wine makes him nearly tolerable.

Yesterday I went birding with a few friends, leaving work early.  Some short-eared owls had been sighted, so off we went.  After seeing them fly around a bit, we lucked out on one that was standing in a ditch on the side of the road, only about 15 feet from our car!  We watched him for a few minutes until he took off.  Simply breathtaking!

After that enjoyable experience, I had to return home to Thomas.  Not fun.  We came to an agreement on the property settlement, in an attempt to avoid going to litigation on the divorce.  We wrote it out and both signed it, so hopefully he will uphold his word this time.  As opposed to the part of our marriage ceremony where he promised to forsake all others.  You might be able to see that I'm not overly optimistic about this!  I didn't get what I feel I deserve, but it's reasonable and two lawyers told me that if we could agree to this, I'd be better off than taking my chances with litigation where I'd probably get a bit more but with lawyers' fees and the stress of litigation. 

Despite my negative tone in this entry, I am doing quite well.  My eyes have been opened and I've reviewed our relationship.  There's a big difference between sharing values and sharing hobbies.  We certainly shared hobbies, but our values are opposite.  I value honesty, integrity, family, kindness to animals and people, etc.  I'm really lucky to escape from this relationship at a relatively young age, so I still have years of happiness ahead of me.

I have some leads on jobs (mine ends on March 31) and hopefully will secure something in the next month or so.  Once I know where I will be working, I can rent an apartment and Max, Calypso, and I can move out.

Once again, my family and friends (including all of you!) have stepped up and have helped me through this process.  I have been overwhelmed with how supportive and loving everyone has been.  I have heard more compliments in the past 6 weeks than in the previous year.  No one can understand how/why this happened.  And if they met her, they'd understand even less!

The past few years have absolutely flown by, so now I'm hoping the next 6 months do as well.  I am excited about my new life and can't wait to get started!  It's just hard to do here with him around.  I feel like I'm currently stuck in neutral and I just want to move on.


Suzanne said...

The best revenge for a broken relationship is to be happy and live well. ;) It seems to me you are doing both and on your own terms.

As for the home situation, maybe a night or two every once and a while at a friends house is in order? If just to get away from the issues for a while.

WendyKnits said...

I'll be thinking positive thoughts that you get your future job worked out quickly so you can move on asap!

Bre said...

I have been reading your blog for a long time. I have to say I was stunned/shell shocked when I read about your divorce. I walked around in a fog about it for a few days, pondering. In any case, I have recently went through a divorce of my own as well and my mother is in termoil over getting a divorce after she found out her husband of 15 years cheated on her for 9 months with a woman 17 years younger than himself. I have a lot of empathy for your situation. I think the most shocking of it all is the fact that Thomas picked another woman to have an affair with that was already married. It makes me question a lot and you have mentioned how this "woman's husband" is moving back into their marital home, which seems to indicate that she is returning to her marriage and leaving Thomas.
I am very happy that you can see that being "second choice" is not the way to go. You seem like such a strong and independent woman. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I am sure it will help others as well who find themselves in similar circumstances.

saemmabel said...

Keep on staying strong like you are. You'll get through this and be better than you ever were before.

Mary said...

I think about you often and have been wondering how you're faring. It's so sad to see the bird photos of their last days with you but I pray they'll continue to be happy as will you in your new lives! Hugs!

Anonymous said...

Mary, I check in often to keep up with what is going on for you. Stay safe above all other things. You don't know him any longer. He has turned into someone you can no longer trust. Just remember our talk....STAY SAFE! Barb

Meg said...

Wow, the short-eared owl encounter sounds amazing! What a lucky spotting! Hopefully you will be just as lucky in your job search.

I think you are probably right on the property settlement. Sad but true. I hope you are able to get away some, or that he goes soon, I do know what nasty holding patterns feel like, and they are not fun.

Liz said...

I agree with the others. :) You're doing amazing and it's so awesome that you're looking at the future the way you're looking.

We're all here for you and will continue to support you through everything. :) You and your parrots.