Personal update

On a personal note, I am doing really well.  I continue to connect more with friends and family.  Usually, I forget to take pictures!  Last week, I went to a coffee shop to see my friend play in a band:

The next night, we went to a painting evening.  We had a teacher who showed us how to reproduce a famous painting.  In this case, we did Gustav Klimt's "The Kiss."  It's not an exact reproduction, but more of an homage.  My friend's was the best of the bunch; mine was just in good fun, but now it's hanging on my wall:

This got me really interested in painting.  I always wished that I was an artist, like so many of my friends (Mary, Shannon, I'm looking at you!)  This got me very excited, so I have decided to take up a new hobby.  Today online, I purchased several canvases, brushes, paint, and a palate, and I look forward to painting.  Hopefully next week!

This ordeal has taught me that who knows what life is going to throw my way, but that I will be OK, no matter what happens.  The parrots and I had a fun dance party tonight and we are looking forward to tomorrow!  I have been terrible at catching up on blogs, but I hope to do so soon, and you are all in my thoughts!!!

More Max

This was taken several weeks ago.  Max was chipping up a wood slice on the counter.

Later, I couldn't find the spoon she usually uses.  As it turns out, she must have flown to Stella's old stand to eat and then dropped the spoon.  I found it the next day.  In the meantime, I offered her breakfast on my normal spoon.  I didn't think she was strong enough to hold it, but I underestimated her desire for peanut butter and autonomy (I was prepared to hold the spoon for her, but she insisted on taking care of it herself.)

I should weigh the spoon and compare it to her weight.  I think this would be an amazing feat of strength if I were lifting an equivalent percentage of my body weight.  She will be a star next Festivus!

Max stalks Calypso

I can't believe that I've not yet posted in February!  I guess I haven't been taking as many pictures as usual, but the parrots and I are doing really well.

Sometime earlier this month, I had made tortellini, which meant each of the parrots got a noodle.

Beeps had to eat his in his cage as he was extremely hormonal and trying to attack both of his flockmates:

Max finished her first, so then she started to stalk Calypso, who is more careful and doesn't waste his food by throwing it on the floor after one bite:

Finally, he threw his on the floor as well:

Max had been trying to knock him off of the stand with the toy, but she gave up after she realized that she couldn't get to him with the toy.  He's just too short!

As you can see, finally she gave up and came over to me for some attention instead.

Clingy caiques

The caiques continue their clingy ways.  Max has, too, though I don't have any pictures of her.  I suspect they can sense things aren't right with Thomas, so they are seeking reassurance from someone that actually loves them.

The problem with clingy caiques is that they don't really get along, but if they are both near me, they are rather close to each other, which means they have to be on alert and maybe attack each other.  I do my best to keep them as separated as possible!

Calypso, on the table (he had been eating my breakfast right before I took this picture) and Beeps, on my lap:

And Beeps, again on my lap.  I find it is pretty safe to keep him here as he's a bit lower so Max and Calypso have a harder time trying to get him.  He has been so incredibly loving lately, I really am going to try to find a place that will allow me to keep him as well.

I hope that once we get into an apartment and establish a new normal, they will go back to being more independent.  It was really tough cooking tonight when Beeps kept flying to me and the others were walking around, pecking at my feet, and begging to be picked up!

I feel like I should give a personal update at the end of each entry for the foreseeable future.  Things continue to go well.  My best friend and I went to dinner yesterday and then saw the movie Anonymous.  It was only $1 for the show!  And it was a really good movie.  Of course, I love historical fiction films that take place in Tudor England so I am biased.  Tonight, I met my dad for a college basketball game at his alma mater.  Unfortunately, they lost, but we had a great time.  My divorce is resulting in much more bonding with my family and friends!

On the job front, there has been an interesting development with the job that I talked about earlier that said they wanted to go in a different direction.  The second in command called my recruiter and said she wanted to talk to me about possibly taking the position even though her boss thought I didn't have enough supervisory experience.  Isn't that strange?  I don't know what will happen, but I'll update here.  How can the second in command go behind the first in command's back?  I wasn't very high on this job in the first place, and I refuse to be anyone second choice (see: my marriage) but I will listen to what she had to say.  I had a phone interview yesterday and I have one tomorrow.  The one tomorrow is with a company that I'm super excited about, so hopefully all goes well.

And, in somewhat exciting news, I have a date on Thursday!  It is my first first date since 1998!  I know it's probably too early to date, but he knows I'm not interested in anything serious.  He's a friend of a friend and we've been exchanging e-mails for a few days.  We get along really well via e-mail so we're going for coffee Thursday evening.

Countdown: only 4 more nights under the same roof as Thomas and since he was already in bed when I came home tonight, I'm not sure I should count tonight, which brings us to 3.  It's so close!!!  The negative energy of the dark cloud of doom and gloom has only limited time remaining here.

Investigating the cabinet and personal update

Things are slowly attaining a new normal here at home.  Thomas does not move until until next weekend, but he's barely spending any time at home.  We are all happy about that!  It's truly amazing how much happier everyone is when he's not around.  His negative attitude was so pervasive and we'd gotten used to it, so having him gone is like a breath of fresh air!

Max was wandering around the counter last week, and climbed up on my honey to investigate a bit.  Under the cabinet:

Thomas's coffee bean grinder:

Back to under the cabinet:

It's been several days, and she hasn't been back, so she must have gotten her fill that day!

Personally, I am just amazed at how well things are going.  I went to therapy last week, and my therapist told me I'm such a "glass half full" person which is how I survived so many years with Thomas and didn't even realize anything was amiss.  She said that if I were in a concentration camp, I'd find ways to rationalize why it wasn't that bad!  Which is un-PC, but it really drove the point home to me.  I need to work on trusting my gut more and not being so quick to justify the actions of people who treat me poorly.

I've been thinking about trying to keep Beeps.  Since Thomas has been gone, his behavior has improved markedly.  He's been extremely loving, following me around the house.  I think it would be hasty for me to rehome him now.  I'd thought about rehoming him since he didn't seem to be that bonded to me compared to Max and Calypso, but I realize he just shows his feelings in a different way.  I'm hoping I can find an apartment that will allow me to keep my three remaining parrots.

I didn't get the job I interviewed for last week, which was probably a blessing in disguise since I didn't really want to work there, but I do want to get a job so I can get an apartment near work and start my new life!  The problem is the timing.  Due to severance and bonus due to me, I need to stay at my current job until the end of March.  Many places don't know what openings they'll have April 1, and the ones with current openings aren't willing to wait so long to hire me.  However, every day gets us one day closer to when they would consider hiring for April.  Until then, I stay in the house.

I had another full weekend.  Thomas was so antisocial that he insisted I not befriend our neighbors.  I waved and we were superficially friendly, but that was it.  (Not surprisingly, Thomas never waved, which they remarked upon!)  Last Friday, I told her what was going on so that she wouldn't be surprised when a "For sale" sign went up at our house.  They invited me over for dinner Friday night, and we had a fantastic time!  I have so much in common with them.  We discussed the animals that inhabit our yards (they were watching the squirrel with no tail as well) and our travels -- we'd been to many of the same places, like Turkey.  They invited me to go kayaking with them, and it's possible we will forge a friendship that survives my move.  What a waste that we lived next to them for over 5 years and only when I'm moving is when we become friendly.

On Saturday, I went out with friends and had a fantastic evening.  Today, I went running with my normal group and then rushed home to get ready.  I met my family for a classic movie (Hitchcock's Rear Window) and then a late lunch/early dinner.  I have movie plans with a friend tomorrow night (A historical thriller from Tudor times - Anonymous) and am going to an NCAA basketball game with my dad again on Tuesday evening.  My goal had been to go out at least two times per week so that I didn't sit home feeling sorry for myself, and I've exceeded that.  Not sure I'll be able to keep going at this pace, but it's been a lot of fun.  I have many years of missed outings to make up for!

Max tries to get attention

Max tries very hard to get head pets.  Of course, she is ultimately successful!

Butternut squash and the parrots

One of the things I'm really looking forward to as a single person is experimenting more with cooking. Thomas was so strange and didn't really like to try new things. He was also very critical when I'd try something and it didn't work out. With me and the parrots as my only critic now, I can't lose!

Yesterday, I decided I'd better use up a butternut squash I'd had for a few weeks:

I may have to see if I can get this frozen instead.  It's a lot of work to turn the above into the below!

I modified a recipe I found online.  It needs some more work, but I was pretty excited out the first try.  Once I get it better, I'll post the recipe.

Another exciting thing about being single is that what used to be a meal for one evening now becomes three meals!  This will be helpful if I need to bring lunch at my next job.

Ready to serve it up:

I got some ringing endorsements:

Back for more:

It appears that all that squash makes her thirsty for some water:

Beeps had some as well, but he's become extremely camera-aggressive, so I let him eat his dinner in peace!  Max and Calypso have been hanging out with me in the kitchen while Beeps keeps to himself in the living room mostly.

Yesterday, someone asked about Beeps.  I am still looking for a home for him, but I haven't actually done anything other than think about it!  I need to get going, but sometimes it's hard to motivate myself.  I will try to contact the person who said earlier this month they might be interested in him to see if it might work.  He's such a great guy, it just makes me so sad to think about losing him as well.

Max and Calypso explore my bedroom

Max and Calypso are settling into their roles in a reduced flock.  I think they are both pretty excited to have more attention from me.  Calypso, in particular, is happy that Thomas isn't around as much.  He's always climbing down from his cage to come and find me.  When Thomas was around, he didn't feel comfortable enough to do that.  It's exciting to see him come out of his shell more.

Yesterday, I was packing to spend the evening with my parents.  Max flew to the stairs and then walked up the rest of the stairs to find me in the bedroom.  Calypso walked to the bottom of the stairs and then beeped expectantly until I brought him up as well.

The two of them wandered over my (as yet unmade) bed while I packed.  They were good supervisors:

Calypso eventually made it over to my pillow, which reminded me of the Arrested Development episode where Buster was upset because there was a (wild) bird on his pillow.  I wasn't upset by the bird on mine, though!  I thought it was cute.

I predict that the three of us have many good times ahead!

My update

Personally, things are going really well for me.  I don't think I realized the underlying stress I had with living with Thomas.  I thought I was happy, but that's just because I'm a positive person.  I've realized that the dark cloud of doom and gloom affected me more than I thought.  Everyone is remarking on how good and happy I am now.

Today, I was reminded of an example of this.  I was running with someone that I'd only met 4-5 times before.  It was quite icy, and I fell down.  Immediately, he stopped, helped me up, and made sure I was OK.  You know, normal, pleasant behavior.

Last year, Thomas and I were running quite a bit together since we were training for several marathons and a 50 mile race.  On three separate occasions, I slipped and fell on the ice.  Every time, he yelled at me for being so irresponsible as to fall on the ice.  These tirades were laced with expletives about how stupid I was since I knew it was icy, so why wasn't I more careful?  He even asked me for the house key as he was just going to go on without me and I could make it home on my own and he'd open the door for me.  He never once stopped to see if I was OK -- he just kept on running, and only came back when I asked him to, and then just to yell at me.  Once I thought I might have broken something and wasn't sure I could get up, but he just yelled at me for being melodramatic and didn't help at all.

When a relative stranger is nicer to you than your own husband, that's a sign that something is wrong!

I think I just put up with it because we were married and I am a loyal person.  Divorce never even entered my mind; I just made excuses for him.  His true "excuse" is that he's a narcissist and sociopath who has no conscience or regard for anyone else.  That's why he is able to leave the parrots so easily.  He never really cared about them or me -- it was all just an act.

Although I am sad that I wasted over 13 years of my life with him, I am glad that I got out relatively unscathed and early enough that I can still have a great life.  Also, since we don't have kids, I never have to see him again once the divorce is final (late May) and the house is sold.  I can't wait!

Things are progressing on all fronts.  I had a successful first interview last week and I meet with the CFO tomorrow.  If all goes well, it's possible I'll have a job offer by the end of the week!  Once I have a job, I can get an apartment near work and move out so that I can start my new life.

We have to sell our house, and at a party on Friday night, I met a really nice guy (I'd met him briefly a few times before) who happens to be a realtor!  He also lives in my town, so we're going to get together to run a few times while I still live here and he's going to sell our house.  He did tell me that he wanted to punch Thomas in the gut for how he treated me, so I will have that mental image with me when they meet :)  I know he'll act professionally and restrain himself from violence.

I spent yesterday with my parents and sister, and we had a wonderful, stress-free visit.

I thought that without having to cater to Thomas, I'd have more time on evenings and weekends to do things like catch up on blog reading, catch up on book reading, etc.  However, my social calendar is filling so much that I find I have even less time than before!  I'm not sure if this will continue, but it's nice while it lasts.

I hope that everyone reading has been having a nice time as well.  I am so excited about my future!

Updates on all who have been displaced due to my impending divorce

I have updates on everyone who has had to leave my house due to my impending divorce.  In order of their departure:

Stella is doing amazingly well.  Her vets visited her at home last week as they are friends with her owner and they just love her.  She is very lucky to have gone to an amazing home.  She is loved by her owners, by her flockmates (especially the severe macaw!), by her vets, by everyone!

Here is a picture of her on her new kitchen counter.  Isn't she as gorgeous as ever?

Rocky is up at the rescue, but doing really well.  He enjoys all of the activity and rarely screams.  He comes out on his stick and steps up for most people (still not me, though -- I must use a stick!)  He lives next to a female severe macaw, and the two of them have stuck up a friendship through their cages.

He sings, talks, and is having a great time.  What a resilient guy!  I hope to get him in a home soon, but severe macaws are difficult to place, so I'm glad he's somewhere where I can keep an eye on him until we find the right home.

A few pictures: