Pants macaw

Most nights, Rocky likes to spend some time in Thomas's pants, chipping up 2X4 slices.

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In the comments, Beloved Parrot had asked how the other parrots were taking Brian's demise.  They don't seem to be affected at all.  Last Friday, before I buried him, I took his body around to show everyone, so they could see him.  Stella did a double take, Max and Rocky just stared at him, and everyone else (Basil and the caiques) seemed oblivious to what was going on.

When he was alive, no one ever really seemed to consider him part of their flock.  He didn't call back and forth with anyone, and we were so careful not to allow any sort of physical interaction (until, of course, the fatal accident.)  For them, life is back to normal.  The humans in the house are not yet to that point.

At the rescue where I volunteer, the budgies are in a flight cage.  None are tame.  Yesterday, I was watching the budgies play and enjoying their antics.  Several came up to the front of the cage, intrigued by my presence.  I hope they find good homes.

Nature weekend

Thanks again for all of your support -- it means a lot.  We are still missing Brian immensely.  I buried him on Friday after work.  I scratched his head -- something he never let me do when he was alive -- and thought about the good times we had together.  My tears fell on him, and I was thinking how wonderful it would be if they had some sort of magical power that could restore him to life.  Of course, nothing happened, but I pulled out some of his lovely blue feathers and have them safe in a drawer.  He's now resting in the back yard, along with the rest of the budgies who've left us over the years.  Lenny, Ethel, Jeff Saturday, and Daphne.

Until this point in the day, I had not cried and was able to look back at pictures and videos of him fondly.  I think about him almost constantly, but it makes me happy to remember how wonderful he was and how lucky we were to have as much time with him as we did.  I know I shouldn't but I keep thinking of different "what ifs" -- it's amazing to think how decisions made nearly a decade earlier were ultimately instrumental in what happened.  For example, if I'd taken a different job in 2002, I probably wouldn't have been home until much later, sparing his life.  Or, if thugs hadn't broken into our house in 2005, we wouldn't have moved, which means we wouldn't have had room for Rocky (though we would have had room for Brian), and he'd still be alive.  It's just interesting how seemingly unrelated events can conspire against me.

We decided to try to spend much of the weekend in nature, as that always helps to raise our spirits.  We went to one of Thomas's favorite places, where there are lots of natural springs.  It was peaceful:

Some of the springs:

And we even saw a few cedar waxwings, Thomas's favorite wild bird:

We both felt much better.  Thomas is adamant that we can't add any more birds to our house.  Maybe when we move and the set up is different.  We have no plans to move.  I'm not sure if he'll still feel this way once he can process more of his grief.  In any way, it's way too early for us to think about adding anyone else.  Of course, I had three different people ask me if we'd take their special-needs birds since Brian died.  I had to turn them all down.

I had figured that our bird-bath activity would mostly be done for the year (it certainly will be soon once we turn off the outside water and close down the bird bath for the year) so it was a pleasant surprise to see a dark-eyed junco bathing this morning:

We'll definitely get out hiking some more this holiday weekend.  Nature really helps heal us.

Consoling

Thomas is taking the loss of Brian particularly hard. He told me today that when we grocery shop, we can cut down on our bread purchase as he doesn't think he can eat toast again as that was something he shared with Brian every morning and it would make him too sad.  He's been extremely morose the past few days, and I hope that he can work through his grief.

The still-living parrots are doing their best to help him.  They can sense his sadness and have been gathering around him more than usual.  A few scenes from last night:

I broached the subject of getting another budgie someday (months or years in the future); showing him some safer cages that I found online yesterday.  It may have been too soon.  He said that he considers this house to be a budgie death trap and that no more parrots can enter this house.  It's going to be a tough few weeks until we can find a new sense of normalcy.

Thank you

Thank you to everyone for your kind and supportive comments about Brian.  It is really helpful.  When I posted what happened, I worried about receiving mean comments that would only make me feel worse (if that's even possible) -- you guys are the best.

I miss him so much!  He was such a special soul and I wish I would have had him for many more years, but I know I need to treasure the time I had with him.  I'm happy that I have so many photos and videos to remember him by.  I'll post some more in the future, when I'm feeling up to it.

I spent much of yesterday sobbing, so far today it's only been tears leaking out.  Luckily I have a very understanding boss and no customer contact!  I was even able to sleep through the night (after being unable to sleep Monday night), though most my dreams were about Brian.

I think one of the things that pains me the most is that I thought I had taken every precaution.  I've relived the experience hundreds of times in my head, and there's nothing that I would have done differently under the same circumstances. 

It's made me question whether I should ever own another budgie.  I can't imagine the rest of my life in a budgie-less existence, though I'm certainly not ready to add another one at this point.  The woman who runs the rescue suggested that I look into acrylic cages or other ways of adding an additional safety layer.  This is something I will have to look into in due time.  Right now it's still too raw.

Max and (surprisingly) Basil were very empathetic yesterday as I was changing their foods and waters in the morning.  Max would not leave my side and made frequent kissing sounds.  Basil kept softly repeating, "I love you Basil" which is what I tell him when I'm trying to comfort him.  They could tell something was wrong and were trying to cheer me up.

Anyway, I will try to get back to regular posting tomorrow.  Thanks again for your compassion -- it means a lot, more than I can express.

RIP, Brian

Little Brian died tonight.  I am just devastated. When we took him in last December, we thought we'd have a couple of months with him until his tumor took his life.  We ended up having nearly 11 months with Brian.  It wasn't enough, and it wasn't his tumor that took his life.

I came home from work a bit early today as I wanted to see the parrots.  I'd let the larger parrots out of their cages, but kept Brian inside his for safety.  I was on the far side of the room, away from his cage, when Rocky walked in to the kitchen.  He started to climb up Brian's cage.  I made my way, with a stick, to remove Rocky from Brian's cage.  I still don't know how it happened so quickly, but a split second before I arrived, Rocky bit Brian's beak off, through his cage bars.

I rushed Brian to the vet, and was told that there was nothing that could be done.  With larger parrots, they can learn to eat and survive without their upper beak, but that's not the case for budgies.  My choices were to let him slowly starve to death, or euthanize.  I chose the latter.  I still can't believe this happened.

I am killing myself with what ifs -- what if I'd not come home from work early, had done yoga when I got home, not let the larger parrots out of their cages, gotten to Brian's cage one second earlier, taken Brian out and had him on my shoulder, etc.  He'd still be alive.

I did everything I could to provide him with the best life possible, and I turned out to be his worst enemy.  I miss him so much already.  It was so quiet tonight without his cheerful chatter.  I can never own another budgie again, due to the way I failed Brian.  I don't even think I deserve to own any of my parrots, but they are stuck with me.  How could this happen?

I am so sorry, Brian.  We loved you so much and you deserved better.  I will never be able to forgive myself.

Brian chatter

Brian had been chattering to my glasses (in the background) but, of course, once he saw the camera, he ran over to chatter to that instead.  It's rather long -- almost a minute.  I kept filming as I'd hoped he would say something intelligible.  That didn't happen!

Brian wants to come out of his cage

When Brian's in his cage, he's usually on his boing, trying to make it swing more.  Whenever we approach him, he leaps to the front of the cage, hoping to come out.  Unfortunately, I was on my way to work, so he just got some verbal attention and foot rubs.

If you listen closely at the very end, he starts to whistle, but I turned the camera off too soon to hear much of it.

Brian explores a bit

Over the weekend, we had Brian out on the table as we were eating.  He was very intrigued by an ice pack that was on the table:

I happened to catch him in mid-stretch when he was readjusting his wings:

He'd probably be embarrassed if he saw the angle of this picture.  Good thing he doesn't have Internet access!

Brian eats muffins

Over the weekend I made sweet potato squash muffins, using a pumpkin muffin recipe, as I had three sweet potato squash from the farmers' market and wasn't sure what to do with them. They turned out really well, and were particularly a hit with Brian:

Unfortunately for him, all of the muffins have been eaten, so he's back to toast and apples for breakfast.

Brian eats apples

During breakfast, Brian runs around on the table, stopping occasionally to eat some of Thomas's toast or my cut-up apple.

Over the weekend, Thomas was eating a whole apple, and was resting his hand on the table, when Brian ran over and started helping himself:

It's shocking that I managed to get a picture before he ran over to pose for the camera.

...and so does Rocky

Right after Brian took his bath, Thomas went into the bathroom to shower. I grabbed Rocky and was bringing him in to shower with Thomas, but was met with a surprise: Brian had flown off of the kitchen table and found Thomas in the bathroom. I guess he didn't want to be left alone! So we exchanged parrots -- I took Brian and Thomas took Rocky. I think I got the better deal there!

It was pretty steamy in there today:

He started clicking, and then "singing and dancing" with no provocation.  He loves the shower!

Brian bathes

I had made a much better video of this, but apparently I hadn't pressed "record."  Argh!  As Thomas was drinking this morning, Brian kept trying to fly into his glass, a clear signal Brian wanted to take a bath!

Right before this, in the video I didn't actually take, he'd jumped all the way inside and splashed around a bit before exiting again.

A still shot, mid-bath:

After; my wet budgie:

We've tried other bathing methods, but this is what he prefers.  I have no idea why -- since he'd never been let out of his cage at his previous home, it's not like this is what he was used to.

Kitchen birds

Calypso may have permanently become a kitchen bird.  We moved him in a month or so ago because his hormones were out of control.  We thought perhaps a change of scenery and removal from the presence of Beeps and Basil (the two parrots he'd try to attack) would do him some good -- and it did!

We tried bringing him back in the living room over the weekend.  Within minutes, he tried to attack Beeps; thwarted, he turned his attention to Basil (thwarted again.)  Needless to say, he immediately went back into the kitchen!

I think he likes getting more one-on-one attention in the kitchen, especially in the morning before we get the other birds up.  He's even starting to bond with Thomas a bit more, which has been great to see.  This could have something to do with receiving a near-daily piece of toast from him:

Brian continues to get his toast in the following way:

He mostly just rips tiny pieces of toast off (you can see the crumbs on the plate under his beak) rather than eat much.  It's a giant toast toy.

In other Brian news, he talks a lot when he's on my shoulder, but much of it is unintelligible budgie chatter.  So, it may go like this: "chatter chatter chatter gotta go chatter chatter shot and a beer chatter."  Or, "chatter get me a beer *whistle whistle whistle* chatter chatter do ya wanna."  With me understanding less than half of the words he says (and with much of what he says tantalizingly incomplete -- where do you gotta go?  Do I wanna what?)  This weekend, for the first time, included in that chatter, he said his name, but with a bit of an impediment -- he said "Bwian."  Can he get any cuter?  (I am trying to get this on video, but he really only talks when he's on our shoulders, and when he sees the camera, he quiets down and gazes into the lens.)  Maybe someday I will be successful!

Listening in

Yesterday, I had two volunteer meetings after work, which meant I didn't get home until after the parrots were in bed.  I had called Thomas after the first meeting to check in, and he put me on speakerphone.  Apparently two of the parrots got really interested upon hearing my voice and made their way to the phone.

One started whistling at the phone and the other was giving it kisses.  He asked me if I could figure out who the two interested parties were, but I only guessed one correctly.

It was Brian and Rocky (I had guessed Max and Rocky.)

I find it so odd that Rocky is so obsessed with me, considering that I am his nemesis.  He also will frequently ask me for kisses, and reciprocate with a kiss sound (I would never put my face anywhere near his beak.)  Perhaps he is trying to lull me into a false sense of security, but I don't fall for it!

Blog placeholder: Brian

I have been extremely busy with volunteer obligations over the past week or so.  Luckily, much of this work will be completed during the next 10 days, and then I can return to my regularly-scheduled life!  What this means is that, though we are still spending time with the parrots, I have been too mentally (and occasionally physically) exhausted to take many pictures of them.

This morning, I realized that I would go two business days in a row without an entry if I didn't post one for today, so I grabbed the camera and relied on my old stand-by: Brian.

As you can see, he is as happy as ever, and coming up on our 9 month anniversary (!) together.

If it's even possible, we've been seeing more of his personality come out as his flight skills have improved.  Sometimes he'll do a few laps around the kitchen before he decides where he wants to land.  Or he'll hover above a certain spot before deciding to touch down.  Of course it always puts a smile on our faces when he chooses to fly to one of our shoulders.

Earlier in the blog, I have briefly mentioned a tumor budgie we had, Ethel.  She was fabulous, just like Brian, but this was before the blog, and before we had a digital camera, so I didn't have many stories/pictures to share about her.

It always made me sad that I couldn't share her with everyone, as there is a common misconception that budgies are starter birds with little personality, and that has been so far from the truth in my experience.  I am so happy that little Brian is here, helping to chip away at budgie stereotypes.

Brian, ad nasueum

This risks to turn into a Brian blog, but it really can't be helped much as he has captured my heart!

He's been improving his flight skills by leaps and bounds, which is generally a good thing.  After a run, Thomas was making breakfast, and Brian had been waiting on the table, waiting for his toast.  Until he decided he'd rather be elsewhere:

Back to the table, he started begging for attention again:

This is one of his favorite things to do -- he loves being beak to nose with Thomas and with me:

Of course, it's pretty impossible to read the paper this way!

Let me out!

He jumps to the front of his cage when he thinks (or hopes) he's coming out.

How can I resist?

Brian on the table

Over the weekend, I had put all of the larger parrots in their cages so I could spend some time with Brian.  Thomas was at work, so Brian and I made cookies, with frequent breaks so I could give and get some budgie attention.

At one point, I looked over and noticed he was singing a pretty tune to the container of Aquaphor on the table.  Of course when I tried to get a video of him doing this, he had to run to the camera.  But, I love watching him run around, so I'm posting this anyway.

At the very end of the video, he's just about to start singing to me, but I had already turned the camera off due to Rocky screaming in the background.  Someday I will make a video of Brian singing!

Breakfasting

It's been awhile since I've posted pictures of Max eating with a spoon.  This spoon is only used for her, so when she sees it she gets so excited!

Brian was eating some of Thomas's toast, but he was taking such a long time that eventually Thomas broke off a budgie-sized piece and left it for him:

Then he came over by me and pretended to eat my bowl.  Why?  I have no idea!

Meanwhile, Rocky climbed into Brian's cage and burrowed under his cage paper:

More Little Brian

I have not been diligent about taking pictures the past few days, so as I was eating breakfast this morning, I realized I had nothing to post.  Luckily, Brian was willing (even eager?) to let me take more pictures of him.

Every day he charms me even more.  Today, he started following me around the kitchen by flying between the counter and table when I'd walk back and forth.  Previously, he'd follow me by running back and forth along the length of the table, but he added the counter into the equation, so can now get closer.

Last night, he flew to Thomas's shoulder, which made Thomas very happy -- who can resist a little budgie?

He continues with his newspaper-standing ways:

Look at me, not the newspaper!

I wanted to get a picture of him from above, as I find his patterns and coloring striking.  Knowing him, you will not be surprised that he turned his head around to look directly into the camera!

If you take a picture of me, I must look at you!

He also had to work on destroying the edges of the paper.  Because he takes such small bites, this does not impede our use of the paper:

Admiring his work:

I must not have kept him out as long as he would have liked this morning, as he started throwing a fit, slamming his toys around, when I put him in his cage so I could leave for work.  He quickly calmed down and I can't wait to see him again this afternoon!