RIP, Brian

Little Brian died tonight.  I am just devastated. When we took him in last December, we thought we'd have a couple of months with him until his tumor took his life.  We ended up having nearly 11 months with Brian.  It wasn't enough, and it wasn't his tumor that took his life.

I came home from work a bit early today as I wanted to see the parrots.  I'd let the larger parrots out of their cages, but kept Brian inside his for safety.  I was on the far side of the room, away from his cage, when Rocky walked in to the kitchen.  He started to climb up Brian's cage.  I made my way, with a stick, to remove Rocky from Brian's cage.  I still don't know how it happened so quickly, but a split second before I arrived, Rocky bit Brian's beak off, through his cage bars.

I rushed Brian to the vet, and was told that there was nothing that could be done.  With larger parrots, they can learn to eat and survive without their upper beak, but that's not the case for budgies.  My choices were to let him slowly starve to death, or euthanize.  I chose the latter.  I still can't believe this happened.

I am killing myself with what ifs -- what if I'd not come home from work early, had done yoga when I got home, not let the larger parrots out of their cages, gotten to Brian's cage one second earlier, taken Brian out and had him on my shoulder, etc.  He'd still be alive.

I did everything I could to provide him with the best life possible, and I turned out to be his worst enemy.  I miss him so much already.  It was so quiet tonight without his cheerful chatter.  I can never own another budgie again, due to the way I failed Brian.  I don't even think I deserve to own any of my parrots, but they are stuck with me.  How could this happen?

I am so sorry, Brian.  We loved you so much and you deserved better.  I will never be able to forgive myself.